


Brave New World

by Ouchimoo



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Canon Backstory, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Origin Story, awaking as a synth, nick valentine's pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6174946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ouchimoo/pseuds/Ouchimoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They cut you loose. Welcome to the Brave New World . . .  with such people in it. I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who had been dead for 200 years. Took me a long damn time to get a feel for the place."</p><p>Nick wakes up as a synth decades after the war. Starting off confused and disorientated, he struggles to find his place in a world racked with violence, decay, and fear. This also focuses on his struggles in finding out who and what he is, and what his part is in the new Commonwealth.  Later mentions of other NPCs to follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rude awakening

**Author's Note:**

> This originally was just going to be little slices of his life starting from the time he woke up until the time he finally settled into Diamond City. Like everything else I try to keep slight musings of, it turned into a full blown bible of his life. Yeppers.  
> I just want to note, I keep to the timeline and FO cannon as closely as possible. So if there's something I missed or I am inaccurate on, please let me know. That said Bethesda's timeline is SOOOO screwy! It's been hard piecing events together, especially when really important events don't get an official date (LIke the CPG massacre) and Deacon- that lying tool- lying about when things happened and how. It just throws a wrench into everything.

A snapshot. There was blue. A very serene blue. Birds twittered out natural music while the breeze carried it aloft.The clouds shimmered rays of gold sun across their fluffy forms. Everything suggested the day was gloriously warm. The perfect picnic afternoon to bask in. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t feel anything. Not the breeze, not the gold tinged rays, not the  _ scorch  _ of the earth. Not that it mattered, for as fast as he saw it, the blue faded to gray, the noise deadened. Then the snapshot faded to black.   
  
The next time he barely drifted into consciousness, it was because of the smell. It felt like burning sludge rolling through his sinuses. So revulsive it overwhelmed his sense of taste. He tried to choke it away but his body was the weight of lead. The best he could muster was a spasm in his neck. This time his eyelids didn’t have the strength to pry open. His mind was in such a haze he was barely aware of his own existence. It was his olfactory system that kept him from fading out again. But it wasn’t pleasant, It was the most god awful aroma that kept him awake. His neck spasmed again causing his head to jerk just enough for mental sparks to fire, allowing him to achieve another level of consciousness. With that, he noticed his sense of smell seemed to be coated in a strange aura of metallic clout. It was as if the entire sinus cavity had been cauterized, or singed and the flesh coated in copper foil. There wasn’t exactly a sure fire way to understand what was wrong with his sense, but he was now slowly piecing together what he was smelling. Burnt hair mixed with a festering rot of flesh. It was so pungent, if it already didn’t feel like he was missing nose hairs, this was surely enough to burn them off.    
  
Then there was a loud, husky groan. Closest thing his groggy mind could think of was a long drawn out bark. But it was too much throat, too much gravel and something he instinctively knew to avoid. He listened to it sniff the ground around him. It was all he could do, not his mind nor his body could will him otherwise. Then a weight smashed into his side almost rolling him up to his belly. It jolted him to near fully consciousness. Now his eyes burst open. He shifted his weight to his side as he felt a massive claw rake the earth behind him. He could feel the bulk of muscle from the creature behind him. All he could do to avoid it was to fall forward. Now resting most of his weight on his upper shoulders, he heard the groan again. His mind was still slow, but he quickly narrowed down the subjects that could make such a call. It zeroed in on one.    
  
Alarm seeped into his consciousness. In what little surge he could muster, his head dared to turn and look. Hovering beside him was a massive grizzly.  But not what he was expecting. It’s whole body oozed with gaping wounds. Hair was falling out by the clumps. It’s skin, managed and scorched, barely clung to the body. And when the beast lifted up its head, he could see that the cartilage that made up its nose down to is lips had melted away. Pustules and remnants of nasty bruising layered under its eyes and oozed from its skin.    
  
And he was immobilized. His mind locked on the sight of the creature’s power and his body was still so heavy. The most he could muster was his fingers, digging into the ground. Although there wasn’t actually much ground to dig into. Odd bits of plastic and metal made up his bed. He exerted too much energy. His head sunk to the weight of his still heavy body. It went dark again. He didn’t even have the wherewithal to wonder why he wasn’t the object of the creatures next meal.   
  
It was the feeling of rain that woke him up the third time. Though something about it wasn’t right. He knew it was cold, and he knew it was wet, but the feeling it gave as droplets pounded into him one by one over his whole body felt completely foreign. It could have been hours as he listened to the pitter-patter of heavy rain drum across him. After a time he could muster enough energy to force himself up to his knees. He slowly craned his head to look for any scavenging creatures that might still be lurking. To his relief, there were none. The heavy rain must have kept them at bay this day. Then before gauging if he had the strength to do so, he pulled himself up to his feet and tried to walk. His first step slipped out from him when plastic limbs shifted and rolled under his already unsteady feet, throwing him off balance. With a yelp gruffer and older sounding than he expected, he tumbled down the hill and was knocked onto his chest and arm. His face splashed into a puddle of water. He could feel the water, but not like he should have. Not like he expected.

 

He groaned and lifted his head. His insides wrenched as a ghastly skull stared back at him. At least he thought it was a human skull. After a moment, he realized the shiney white was plastic, not bone. It looked human, yet it was so incredibly artificial. Perhaps a mannequin.  Wait. He saw the plastic lensed eyes. Gears lay beneath the outer shell. He realized it was a robot of sorts. As he stared, the mechanical eyes flickered like an old neon sign and it’s jaws snarled open. It lunged for him and metallic fingers dug into his shoulder. Nick yowled and tore it away. He scrambled backwards and into a large tubular container. It echoed a heavy tinny thud at his collision. The machine tried to say something in a garbled electric mess of a voice before it wilted up and collapsed. It’s jaw still moved up and down, perhaps trying to tell him a deep, dark secret.   
  
Trying to calm himself, Nick worked at catching his breath. He found he could do so with ease. Too much ease. He mumbled a curse under his breath before using the container behind him to pull himself up to his feet. The tube looked to be a large medical pod. Larger than needed if it were to hold a person. Looking down, he saw a rotted corpse of a very large green humanoid.   
  
“Son of a!” He snarled and stumbled back. Unsure of what kind of monstrosity like this could be, or what it was doing here, he diverted his eyes to survey the rest of the rubble around him. What it looked like, was a landfill. A massive one at that. Half of it was shattered buildings and their remnants, the rest, organized piles of trash. The pile he fell down from was comprised of several bodies of these white plastic mannequin robots. His eyes fell back to the one still twitching. With a furrow of his brow, he cautiously knelt down for a better look. When he reached out to examine its head was when this inexplicable dread flooded his every fiber. Before he even asked the question, he was answered with _why_ he was there. In that pile. What he saw was _his_ plastic arm attached to his plastic body. At first he could do nothing but stare at his mechanical hand.   
  
“No!” He breathed. He then looked down at his body. “Oh no!” He repeated and flung to his feet. He clapped his hand at his own chest. Physical senses of touch assured him this was real. “The hell?!” He pawed at the plastic panels that made up his torso. His legs barely looked like no more than an armature in a plastic sheath. In dread he reached up and examined the folds of leathery plastic that made up his face. Human features, but they weren’t his own. It wasn’t his jawline, or his cheeks. Nor his nose. Now he really started to panic. He could see his chest pitching up and down as breath escaped his body. He was breathing? As soon as he noticed and watched, his body stopped. He had thought it to. It obeyed.  
  
  
“What th-” he whimpered and gasped for his next word, it was intangible. His whole body began to seethe in unrelentless heat, then an odd flush of frigid cold in strangely placed veins burned his insides. His world started to spin and once again he found himself tumbling down. He caught himself on one knee, and a haunch. He knew he was surrounded by plastic limbs, arms and bodies. Empty shells with a terrifying resemblance to his new body. “No!” He breathed. “No. This can’t- Oh god! What is this!?”   
  
His body?! This wasn’t possible! He pulled up and tried backing away from the horrors, as he did he felt a glass vial pop under his foot. His toe-less foot. Picking his foot up, a wad of meat stuck to him like a cast aside piece of bubblegum. To his left more vials. Most had muscle in it. One had what looked like human flesh; an ear. Another with human fingers, yet another, a human heart.  “I have to- oh god I have to get out of here!” He stumbled out and once he was out of the pit collapsed on a decayed tree. His one hand cupped his face.   
  
“This can’t be real! A bad dream. This has to be a bad dream!” His eyes pressed down shut and he begged for reality to wake him up.   
  
It never came. There were no middle of the night terrors, no snapping out of a bad daydream, no crazy futuristic virtual reality terminal.  Just a flock of crows hastily flying overhead, darting down to began their forage for any earthworm drowned out of the earth. To them, this was life as usual. This wasn’t his. He was in shock, but he knew he couldn’t stay here. Not, in a trash heap.   
  
“C’mon Nick, get it together. You. Need to get it together!” He tried to keep his voice firm and steady to no avail. He then forced out volume in his voice. It trembled as he tried. “Stand up. We’re going to- we’re going to figure this out!” Bracing the tree to support his weight, he took one weak step after another away from the landfill and into an open field. Long locks of dull, hip high grass caressed at his palms. As he stumbled to the peak of a hill he saw the wasteland before him. Everything was destroyed. In his expectations there should have been glistening silver roads, green trees and valleys, colorful cars and above all- people.   
  


There was nothing.    
  
Death.

  
Decay.    
  
This could only be a nightmare!    



	2. Unwelcome to the Wasteland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They cut you loose. Welcome to the Brave New World . . . with such people in it. I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who had been dead for 200 years. Took me a long damn time to get a feel for the place."
> 
> Nick spends the next few days getting introduced to the local fauna. He also comes up with some new theories as to the possibilities for waking up in such a horrible world.

He still refused to believe this was real. There had to be an explanation. He couldn’t be a robot. That just didn’t make any sense. Sure he saw the same display models as everyone else. The Mr. Handy’s and Miss-what’s-its and the Military killbots. They were so well programmed that you could believe they had personalities. Sometimes you could swear you wanted to believe them when they told you their supposed programmed feelings. It was one hell of a clever facade if he ever saw one. That’s why he couldn’t be one. Over the last few hours he’d been out here it had just been one whirlpool of emotions one after another. Fear, despair, grief, horror, then terror, and ultimately pure and total anguish. He almost wished he was a damned robot. Emotional deadness would have been a welcome commodity compared to this. He didn’t know how much more of this he could handle. With strain in his brow he stared at the road ahead of him. It was so broken and shattered. Just like the hopes he had of waking up, full of sweat next to his beautiful fiance. She’d pierce through the darkness, be there to calm him down. God, just to hear her voice one last time. The touch of her fingers across his skin. She’d slide up beside him. The bed sheets draped over her like an angel in flowing garb. He closed his eyes and remembered her. Her touch. The warmth of her fingers a they slid from his cheek down across his lips. To know what she would say. She’d talk to him. Tell him it was okay. That it didn’t matter how horrible his nightmares were, she would be there to make them better. She’d make them go fade away with the whispers of her voice. Then, her body would press next to his, he’d take in her scent as warm breath pressed up until her lips met his. A kiss that could melt away everything bad in the world. He wanted to believe her. So desperately. He could feel himself reaching out for her. Then the cold snap of reality hit him. He couldn’t figure out how to wake up. A tremor arched through his body when he remembered that she wasn’t there. Not- anymore. Was it because she was gone? Was the horror of this world only a fraction of what it would be like if he woke up, without her?

His eyes squeezed shut harder this time. Those damn bastards! How could they!? They could all go to hell for what they’ve done! And the gall of them telling him to deal with the life he was given when they were the ones responsible! His form instantly filled with rage. All of this could have been avoided! They could have warned him! Put her somewhere safe! But his whole reason for joining the investigation, to go after Winters, was a facade. A game to them! And they put their joke of a prosecution before her safety! For some- some stupid case! Truth was, he wanted Eddie Winters just as much as the next beat cop looking for a rung to climb. Hell, more! It was his case. His life! The D.A. was working some angle behind his back and didn’t bother to be straight with him? He found himself breathing rapidly again. Instead of being flustered in hot blood, a strange coldness iced through him. He slowed to calm himself. What happened next? After- after Jennifer? His superiors, his boss- There was an ultimatum, what was it?

A flash of a person in a lab coat. The memory too hazy to grasp anything concrete. He couldn’t get a look at the person. Just a brief sense of smell. He couldn’t smell it now, but he remembered it. That sterile smell. His hand reached up to cradle his head as he desperately tried to remember.

What happened next?

It was like trying to remember an old school mate’s name. Just on the tip of his tongue. But this wasn’t a god damned name he was looking for! This was his life!

He returned to the present. Wind wisping a tune of scattered leaves and quaking branches in a world of a barren nothingness. Nothing here but a tattered road sign. Feeling bitter and nostalgic he reached for it. He wanted his present back. He wanted to wake up. He needed his life! He forced another memory to his mind. It was cloudy and faded, but he forced it. He started with the clean brisk roads. The ones where he would drive down the highway with the windows open, a cool breeze in his hair. Instruments strumming out from the radio. He’d drive by a sign like this. The sun would beam down, reflecting the radiant blue color of the interstate sign. Everything was so, beautiful. Even this damn sign. His eyes opened hoping to see that. Instead it was an ugly weathered piece of metal. His hand rested down on the number that was barely recognizable. As he did a buzz of clockwork ticking noise surrounded him.

“What’s that?” He whirled around for signs of giant bugs ready to turn him into some sort of hatchery. But there wasn’t anything there. He turned on his heel again, in case he missed something. Still he saw nothing. He took a cautious step back. The ticking came alive again. In a battle stance he swung around. His only opponent was that damned sign. He couldn’t make sense of it. He couldn’t make sense of a damn thing. In frustration, he bolted past the sign throwing his shoulder into it making a loud echoing clank. He shoved his hands in his makeshift pockets and hastily proceeded on with his journey.

He was able to walk until dark in furor. He slowed when he saw an intact building ahead. Spirits went up, but so did caution. This place was a once upon a time car dealership. A real shame seeing these cars rust away without purpose now. He could imagine what this place would have looked like new. Dozens of sparkling coats of cherry red paint, banners lazily dancing in the wind. Salesmen in terrible brown suits herding around a couple of red-nosed newly weds to the most outlandish, over priced good on the lot. A small smile crept up on his lips at the mundaneness of it all. Now it was all sun baked rust buckets surrounding an old shack, windows blasted to smithereens. It didn’t look like the most hopeful place for supplies, but for what he found so far, this was the only place he seen in one piece. His palms pressed up to his body, he felt the oily ragged tatters of cloth shift across his chest. What he found so far barely passed for clothes. Hell, if he could find an old brown suit well, at this point, he’d wear it with pride.

As he walked towards the front of the building, he heard a pitiful moan. Red flags would have raised the hairs on his neck if he had them. His eyes darted back to the sound before his head turned to face it. What he saw was a human like figure stir from under one of the cars. Puzzled, he circled around for a better look. The creature rolled out onto the ground wearing rags worse than his own. It grumbled and slowly picked itself up. It’s skin hung like cured jerky, so dry Nick could hear the skin crack apart in a sickly snapping sound as this thing’s limbs moved. He frowned as he watched it. What he saw, was something straight out of a zombie film. His frown turned to an incredulous furrow.

“What a ragged sorry thing are you?” He asked out loud. It’s head shot up, looked at him with these dead black eyes, then spat a horrific hiss in reply. Nick took a step back. In a burst of energy it lunged towards him screaming. Nick’s eyes widened. The only thing he could think of was, did he wake up to a zombie apocalypse!? Was that what this was? With much more grace than the zombie, Nick was able to roll under the creature’s swat. He tumbled and kicked the zombie away with his foot. The creature rolled and tumbled. For a moment it lay there confused by the ordeal. Nick pulled himself into a pounce, then froze when he heard more of the same mindless groaning emerge from all around him. Realizing he was greatly outnumbered - by zombies none the less- he scuttled for an exit.

There. The old metal sign collapsed down over several cars. It had crumpled next to the building. It wasn’t ideal, but with a bit of fancy footwork he figured he could use it to shimmy up to the roof.

He made it halfway up before one of the zombie creatures snagged his legs causing him to slip. He yelped and dug his plastic fingers down deeper into the peeling paint and rust for grip. He flailed and wildly kicked at the air until he landed a blow onto the creature. Just as he knocked one away, another grabbed on. Nick yelled again, but it wasn’t surprise this time. The damn thing somehow dug his fingers into Nick’s side. Nick could hear plastic pop, and oddly felt a surge of pain in his flank. Nick dropped down. He had to otherwise he couldn’t get leverage dangling like that. He balled his fist and knocked it into the withered creatures face. As it lost balance, Nick grabbed it and threw it into the others trying to scamper back up onto the cars. Nick turned and made another attempt to cat walk up the twisted metal of the huge sign post. They were close on his heel. Closer than he liked. He jumped over and grabbed the ledge of the Beckmann’s Auto sign and pulled himself up.

Figures. If he had the body strength and physique of a robot, someone forgot to program it in, or design it. Honestly, who would build a robot without the robotic benefits? He felt like a white-collared fifty year old trying to do a pull-up. He was sure he remembered being in better shape than this. He managed. Barely. And when he was satisfied they couldn’t reach him, he took a break to gawk at his situation.

He looked down at the five or so zombies rampaging to get at him. He looked down at his robotic arm and hand. At his plastic side that had a hole punctured into his panel. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Huh? So what’s next!? Aliens?” He almost half expected to see a spaceship careening out of the sky and crashing off in the distance. This was a joke. This was almost too bizarre to be a dream.  
He growled, ”I don’t think anything else could surprise me at this point.” He started pawing around for a cigarette. He needed one. Badly. As he searched the scrubs of clothing, he thought of something. More so, he remembered something.

He was nervous, so he was smoking. Some intern dressed in doctor garb approached him. Nick assumed he was an intern, too green to be a honest-to-god doctor. They kid was clenching his clipboard so hard his knuckles were going white.  
“It’s so exciting you volunteered for this!” He pipped. Young kid. Younger than him, with esteem brimming out of his broad smile. Nick felt like he was going to be sick. But he choked it down, only to utter some well placed sarcasm.

“Yeah. Volunteered. Took a lot more convincing than you I see.” And took another drag of his cigarette.

He remembered now. Some, new trial his captain forced him into. Some way to try and~ get over Jenny. It was this, or forced into an extended vacation because of ‘emotional distress’. It was so transparent the whole thing made him seethe. The D.A. was out to cover their asses and had everyone jumping through hoops. It tore at him that they were letting them get away with it too. What they did was inexcusable. Valentine had no plans on just letting this go. They kicked him off the Eddie Winter case. Conflict of interest they told him initially. Then it was ‘case closed’. The D.A. got what they wanted, and had given Eddie Winters immunity to everything. Above all else, justice for what he did to Jenny! The hammer really went down when they caught Nick picking through the case files anyway. It was all he had. After Jenny. And for what they done to him, damned if he cared if he got fired or not. Besides, he was onto something. Ten holotapes that Eddie recorded. Smug bastard. Indicting himself for who knows why? But Nick, he was sure he figured it out. And it wasn’t because he was getting cushy with the D.A.'s either. What Winter was after was much more nefarious. Some, program for if the war ever hits, Eddie would live on to corrupt the next generation of civilization. Eddie’s case was now the only thing he had and everyone in the precinct was running circles to block Nick at every turn. They took the holotapes away. Shipped them out, scattering them to several precincts beyond his grasp. Signed him up for some program. He wasn’t even sure why he actually made the trip down here. Because they told him to? Fuck them.

Then again. Maybe, just maybe he hoped it could help. If it would dull the pain of losing Jenny, maybe it would have been worth looking into. But this, this was a joke. A terrible, fucking joke!

Plastic metal man Nick made his way to his feet and climbed up to the top of the building. “Shut it off!” He screamed at the sky. Head pointed to the sky his body turned for a panoramic view. Nothing looked amiss. He grew more angry. “Turn this damn thing off! I don’t know what the hell you’re trying to accomplish here! But it’s not doing a damn thing!” An eternity of silence responded. His voice quieted, defeated, “Jesus, please.” He drew a cold breath. “Please, just, let me go home!” He stared up at the dark starry night and didn’t take his eyes off it. His head shook in disbelief. Eventually, he collapsed to a sit. He continued to stare to the sky and didn’t break contact with it until the sun breached the dawn of the next morning.

The zombies returned to their slumber. With that opportunity, he continued on his path in a new sense of defeat. He couldn’t understand how anyone would program a world like this, and think somehow it would help with the grieving process. As little as he knew about psychology, he figured an overwhelming amount of despair and grief would not be beneficial for anyone. How was this supposed to help? Wouldn’t this just make things~ worse? Once more, how the hell was he supposed to get out!? After he reached some freak state of enlightenment? Well if that didn’t sound like a recipe for disaster. Go in a goody two shoes cop, emerge a soulless raging sociopath? Sure, sounds legit. And he didn’t know a damn thing about virtual reality or dream machines or whatever the hell you call them. It was something he never really thought he’d partake in. Hell, nobody had. Unless you had some high level military clearance these things were pretty much a non-existent.

He tried to remember the details of his orientation. Brain scanning and what’s its. Experimental program mumbo jumbo. Some over his head scientific lingo for trying to program the stress out of him. Nothing that he could recall about how to wake up from this hell hole. He was pretty sure he couldn’t just, kill himself. Which the thought of that even working seemed to make his plasticy skin crawl. Even if there was a chance, he wasn’t willing to risk it. No, he knew absolutely that it wouldn’t work. There was a case once, not one of his, where some toughs were caught dumping a body. A case where nobody could figure out how this John Doe died. Nothing stood out on autopsy, tox screen was clean abet for some highly elevated levels of anxiety. They nearly ruled it as a natural cause of death. Heart attack they figured. Only the one on ice was barely past drinking age with a physical physique that would put most professional athletes to shame. It was only later they found out it was a bad spell in some sort of mind machine. Some heavy hitter mob boss somehow laid their hands on a few with their stolen shipment of military grade fatboys. That’s as far as the task force learned before Military jumped all over it. Slamming the case down in their faces. Still, something like that, it was hard to keep secret.

But the mind machine, that had to be it. It was the only thing that made even the slightest amount of sense so far. Scan his brain, dump him in some godforsaken bizarro world, and wait til he snapped. He couldn’t place it, but he was sure this cockamamie logic seemed right up some eggheads’ alley. Honestly, he had no idea where he got this perspicacity from. He never really hung out with any science figure before. More so, he couldn’t place this incredibly robust dislike for scientists that he had. A dislike so vehemently strong he could go on a limb to say he even ‘hated’ anyone in a lab coat who uttered the word ‘hypothesis’. Just thinking about it made his heart, pump- whatever he had, tussle out from his chest and for depression to fog up his mind for hours to come. And be damned if he knew why.

He tried to shake off the feeling. But it hovered over him like a bad cloud. It lasted for hours. Later a fog rolled across his path and he found himself neck deep in a literal cloud. The details of the treeline were lost. Everything else was like a gray curtain obscuring his sight. What he could see was his hand, and barely the path ahead of him. He slowed his walk now that he felt at a huge disadvantage. Honestly, it was a saving grace, considering that he now had to slow down and rely on other senses. It was the tremors in the ground that first alerted him. Ones that he might not have noticed if he was still moving at his normal, frustrated pace. Now that he stopped, he could also hear it. So faint, but if he listened closely enough, when he felt the ground rumble below him, he heard the quiet thump. Then another; thump. Slow but steady; Thump. His yellow eyes pierced through towards the direction of the sound.

He blinked, not believing what he saw. Squinting through the haze, he could barely see its outline. It was walking on two hind legs and looked like a prehistoric reptile. Mesmerized by the abnormality, he found himself slowly stepping towards it in caution. In return, it was sauntering towards him. If it wasn’t for its size, Nick may have not seen it through this haze at all. He took in a breath of unsteady air then stopped. It seemed like the creature picked up the pace, now walking with purpose. As it approached Nick could make out more details. A tail, horns, massive claws and a growl in its breath. Nick could just sense the beast was on the verge of a full out run towards him. He backpedaled. He took a quick beeline off the path. The creature made an eager snort and picked up its pace. It trotted up just short of the tree line just as Nick found a large tree to hide behind. Pressed hard against the tree, Nick instinctively sucked in a breath of air. First there was an excited throaty rumble. Then after a moment when he couldn’t hear anything, Nick carefully tilted his body out from his cover to glance back to the road. It was right there! Nick threw his back up against the tree. His eyes wide as he stared out into the fog. Now it was close enough that he made out the gray green scales on the creature. Saw as a leathery snakelike tongue dip out and taste the air. There was no way he could make a run now. He closed his eyes when he heard- felt another eager grumble from the creature’s throat. After an agonizing minute the creature must have decided Nick’s scent didn’t seem too palatable, because it turned back to the road and continued on its way. Nick wouldn’t move a piston until the quiet thumping disappeared. Nick never exhaled such a relieved breath of air in his life. Not wanting to wait around to see if this creature changed it’s mind or had friends, Nick made a hasty retreat into the trees and fog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Deathclaw scene was pulled straight out of my game. It was my second encounter with a Deathclaw- first if you don't count the scripted quest to get Gravy. (Fighting Deathclaw in POWER ARMOR with ARMY at your back and Raiders WHITTLING it down. So, Scary. I shot it once ¬_¬ *yawn*) Not long after one of my friends posted the same random Deathclaw encounter in what looked like the exact same area, but he didn't have the fog like I did. He didn't see it coming and he got jumped. So Badly jumped. I think I was like level four, so yes I ran. I ran like the little under powered chicken I was. He was level ten and tried fighting it off. It didn't end well for him. Not one bit. I figured it merited an honorable mention in the story :)
> 
> Also wanted to fluff a little bit as to why there are Memory pods in the Commonwealth. Since in previous games and in the timeline they were stated to be military controlled only, aside from like one vault.


	3. Hopes and Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They cut you loose. Welcome to the Brave New World . . . with such people in it. I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who had been dead for 200 years. Took me a long damn time to get a feel for the place."
> 
> Nick reflects on his history and his present in between surviving the wasteland.

[ Congratulations, Johnny. You got me. You and your pals sure put the screws to old Eddie Winter. You should tell this funny story to your little girl, when you tuck her in at night. In that corner bedroom, upstairs, pink wallpaper, little house on Prince Street. Ha ha. Eddie Winter, signing off. ] 

Valentine ticked down hard on the plastic button to turn the halotape off. His eyes were locked on the infamous Eddie Winter sitting before him. The old man dressed casually in a polo shirt and khakis. His silver gray hair combed back neatly. He looked more like a man itching to spend his retirement days at a private golf club on a yacht rather than being the most brutal and influential mob boss on Boston’s south side. Nick’s mind wasn’t just on the self incriminating halotape. It was the nature of Eddie’s subtle threat. Most of these mobsters were cold blooded. Eddie was a monster. In his other hand, Valentine held a folder. Inside were photos of a young girl. A kid of around 6 years old, lying in a puddle of blood with her body mutilated. It could have just as well been the little girl in the corner bedroom with pink wallpaper on Prince Street. It was Eddie’s modus operandi after all. Especially when sending a message about fucking with Eddie Winters. 

“I know what you did Eddie.” Nick’s voice was cold. “You murdered a child!” Nick threw the folder down. Photos spilled out showing the most brutal snapshots. Nick tried to hide the grimace on his face. It may have came across as dry half cocked ‘gotcha’ smirk. Either way, Eddie saw through it.

“Is that what you think?” Eddie’s hands opened in a shrug. “I haven’t seen any proof.” The shrug was a harmless looking gesture, but the cold hard stare he locked onto Nick’s gray blue eyes was not. “So what? You have a body. Last I checked, there were plenty of those around.”

Nick grit his teeth together. “You incriminated yourself Eddie and threatened Jonathan Montrano’s family! Same M.O. as the Russo Family. This was his little girl!” His finger slammed down pointing to a photo even he had trouble looking at. Eddie didn’t even bother to look. He didn’t need to. 

“You got shit! You what? Accuse me of killing a baby?” He scooted forward from his chair plowing his nose just a few inches from Valentine’s face. “You know what I think? I think you’re making this a little too personal Nicky. I know you don’t have any kids of your own yet. Hell look at you. You barely even had your balls drop! So I know it’s not that.” Eddie then leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin in contemplation. “My guess. You’re nothing. Some green-horn cockalorum from Chicago. You think you got a shot at being some big deal detective around here? Did they write up some smuck review for you too? Tell them what a big shot hero you were back in your home town? Hell probably trying to get rid of you. But detective huh? Big shoes to fill. And I got news for you. Harassing me like this? That’ll only get you in trouble. Believe me Nicky. You, you’re in way over your head.”

“I will take you down for this you bastard.” Nick feeling very unnerved about Eddie’s apparent knowledge of his life. Including calling him Nicky. A nickname in which even in good company he despised. 

“Yeah? Good luck with that.” Finally Eddie’s eyes diverted from Nick’s. They met his lawyer who just walked into the room. They didn’t need to exchange words. Eddie nodded then turned to give Nick a sickly smirk. Nick turned to the door, still keeping his steely expression. Behind the lawyer he saw his supervisor looking defeated. At once he straightened up at looked at them with a now worried expression. 

“Sorry Nick. We gotta let him walk.”

 

Nick couldn’t even find words to respond. The lawyer exchanged a quick word to his client and waited for him to cross through the door before him. Just as Eddie walked pass Valentine, he purred under his breath with a vicious smile.

“Chatted with your sweetheart the other day. Pretty girl. I can see why you like to bone her.”

He could remember what the knot in his stomach felt like. How the burning chill of ice found its way through every nerve in his body. The flush of cold sweats forced him into terrifying dizzy spells.

Not like how he felt stress now. The way an organic body contorts with extreme emotions, one would think that would be completely flipped on its head once everything was mechanical. That everything should be dull, maybe even nonexistence. It wasn’t though. It was equally powerful, it just felt so, strange. He had searched for a memory that could comfort him by giving him something familiar. What he got was a bitter, harsh reality of his life even before this one. One that made him feel just as wounded and sick as before he sunk into thoughts. Right now he couldn’t decide which one was worse. 

The breeze softly danced with the dead branches above him. Today the sky was more gray than blue. The birds didn’t care. They sung their tunes anyway. However, by listening closely one could hear the effects of the mutilated world in their chorus. Their songs would erupt in hiccups of repeating tones. Much like a record needle caught on a scratch. He groaned and folded himself up to a sit. His eyes draped over the dead stag sprawled out before him. The beast with two heads. A twin that never was. On the one half the malformed twin’s neck had been snapped, the other had blood leaking down its nose and pooled onto its tongue. A result from repeatedly pounding the thing’s skull in forcing it into submission. Nick had killed it. And in normal circumstances he would have felt terrible for doing so, but since Nick had done nothing to provoke it, he quickly dispersed any feelings of guilt. 

 

He made his way to his feet. Too soon, too fast, his leg buckled in a sharp pain. Sharp enough to emote a startled hum and causing him to fold back to the ground. Stars flashed wildly in front of his eyes. He took a moment blinking the lights away grabbing bits and pieces of what was likely a damage report flittered just beyond his perception. With a frustrated sigh, he made his way to his feet again, this time being careful when setting weight on his left leg. The creature’s mate had long since fled and Nick was glad for it. He slowly climbed his way up the hill. As he made his way out of the trees he found himself coming across another paved road. His gaze locked to where this road led. Into a neighborhood. Where houses of varying colors still stood. He inhaled, holding his breath. He didn’t want to give his hopes up too soon, but this was the best sight he saw in a while. He trotted towards the most undamaged house. It’s siding was a deep burnished red with quaint white trim. His eagerness and optimism pushed his body so that even his leg barely held a twinge of pain. He reached the white door, and curled his knuckles up ready to rap. He hesitated and decided to try the doorknob instead. It was unlocked, and it opened with a drawn out squeak. He recognized the interior of the house. The world he knew was so corporatized that even the houses tended to be cookie cutter set ups, spat out and shipped out across America. To his left, was the somewhat spiraled stairway that led upstairs. Straight ahead was the living room, and to his right the kitchen. He hadn’t even needed to cross past the door frame to know the layout of this house. And in truth, despite the carpet of leaves that covered the floor better than the carpet did, it looked to be in better than fair condition. Nick felt eager. Maybe for once, he could find some real clothes along with some other supplies. And with everything else he encountered so far, a gun would be handy. Real handy. 

“Hello?” Nick called out. “Is anyone here?” Not that he expected a response, but he figured he’d be courteous. He stepped in. The wood floor of the hallway creaked at his footsteps. As he passed by the kitchen, he was suddenly caught off guard. Not that he really should have been. The reason he remembered these houses all looking alike was because his fiance lived in one just like this. But it wasn’t until he saw it with his own eyes, in such close approximation that a memory of the past crept into his recollection. The kitchen cabinets, the layout, the area left open for the table. All so cruelly the same. He could envision Jenny at the sink, cutting up carrots and onions. Pushing them into a pot on the stove. Her beautiful but off key voice humming over a pot of boiling water. Even after a long day at work, she somehow found the energy to cook. He carefully looked the place over before setting foot into the kitchen himself. Then like a wave, he felt his mind wrapped up in a stranglehold of these memories. So intense, he couldn't shake them. The wallpaper, it was now Jenny’s. The window that was perched over the sink pointed to Jenny’s yard. The Nick of the flesh saw his future here in a house just like this. Only without so much disease. In the backyard under the tree was the dog house with the big slobbering mutt. The half a dozen kids running around pretending to be cops and robbers. His son, daughter- plural? Sons, daughters? Always wanting to play the cop, to be just like the ‘ole man when they grew up. They were to be his pride and joy. His relief and renewed life when he stepped home from a grueling day of bad news. He felt as if old Nick was stepping farther into the kitchen watching his hopes and dreams play out through the open window. Then, he heard a knock.

Nick closed the white plastic over his glowing lenses. The knock at the front door. A detective and an uniformed cop were standing on the other side. They told him it was urgent, and that he needed to go to the office. They had put Nick in the car with them. He was worried sure, but he assumed it was something to do with the case. He never imagined it was why she was running late that day. Why she wasn’t home yet, even though she stepped through that door at almost the perfect four forty seven nearly every damn day starting with Mon and ending with Fri. They made him come to the station because they knew he couldn’t be alone after hearing the news. They knew she was his entire world. That even though it had been five years, that he still felt so new to this town. That his only other friends he gained were from the precinct. And when they told him, he didn’t even cry. It wasn’t for any kind of macho chip on his shoulder. It’s that he was too stunned. He couldn’t comprehend that she was gone. Even with Widmark’s hand on his shoulder, telling him he needed to identify the body, it wasn’t until he saw her there, blue and lifeless lying on a metal slab did he finally breach. An emotional pain so overwhelming he couldn’t find himself able to function for days. A feeling so raw that Nick Valentine, even of plastic and metal realized he never had the chance to say good bye. That he wasn’t ready to. 

All the turmoil in the world building up inside of him, he was too overwhelmed that he didn’t notice the breath of hot on his back. That, or his plastic form couldn’t sense it in the way he immediately recognized. He could hear the knock again, he just didn’t realize it was coming from the giant creature behind him. 

Not until it roared. 

And crashed its fists into the ground causing the world around Nick to shake. He tumbled as the earth felt like it was opening up around him. And when he was down, he rolled to his back to see it growling at him. It’s beady, black eyes stared, sizing Nick up. Then it lunged. Nick clamored and grabbed for anything. He managed to reach the leg of the broken table. He yelled as he felt a sharp pain shoot up his already damaged leg. The creature had him. It began pulling Nick towards the living room. The table dragged with him. Then he was stretched and lifted. Yelling and trying to kick free Nick looked back to the table. Exposed wiring had caught the table’s opposite leg holding it at the wall. Despite feeling like his leg was being torn apart and the stretching of his midsection, he tried climbing the table and away from the creature. As he fought to reach the other table leg, the wiring snapped and he found himself flying towards the maul of the monster. 

Nick found himself screaming, still holding a death grip on the table leg. Until his body was slammed onto the floor. The creature’s other hand crushed him and its head came baring close to his face. Nick grabbed the creature’s mouth and horn trying with all his might keeping the serrated teeth from diving into his body. It snarled and sprayed spittle across Nick’s face. He was pushed into the ground, and for a moment, released. His instinct gathered what was happening before he did, the creature was reeling back a strike with its massive claws. Nick wasn’t sure if it was his will to live, or his newly robotic nature reacting in a molecular instant, he grabbed the table and threw it in front of him just as the creature’s claws came slashing down. The claws went through the wood like butter, but the brunt was taken, leaving him at least alive. Nick flung to his feet, just as he felt another slash kiss his back. It caused him to stumble and his ascent up the stairs hampered. The creature howled and followed. As Nick scrambled to the top the creature followed but was pinned by the small opening. It’s claws slashed out and tore up the top of the stairs just a short of slashing Nick’s legs apart. Nick fumbled to his one good leg, kicking back from the stairway. Another monstrous howl came from behind him, he turned just to see where a window stood, the wall tore open. He was flung back, a scream escaping his lungs again. Having to breath or not, he was panting, seeing that he had two creatures tearing the house apart trying to get at him. The other creature struggled to squeeze through the hole it made in the corner of the house. It would pull back, then large dagger like claws would work at shredding the opening bigger. Nick crawled backwards until he found himself cornered in a closet. The creature climbed through it’s hole again, scales popping through one by one. The other had effectively shredded the entire stairway column. It’s massive claws now working on the wood banisters. There was no escape. Nick felt the doom hover over him. At this point, his emotions deadened with the overwhelming horror. He shifted his gaze to a crooked painting on the wall and gulped down his iron will to survive. His mouth tightened. He waited. This was to be the end of him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

In the distance he could hear a boastful call of the mangled bear. It was followed by a shrieking cry of something he never heard of before. Both of the reptiles before him, went mad. As seemingly fast as it happened, they both disappeared. His eyes briefly flicked in thought. In a new sense of caution cast aside, he pulled himself up to his feet. Slowly limping to the torn hole in the wall, he watched. 

Just outside the window was a nest. And while momma and papa reptiles were busy with what they thought was a threat, they left the hatchlings unguarded. Two bears closed in for an opportunity for an easy meal. Now the parents had returned to fight off the real threat. Nick watched with stunted emotions as one of the bears tore off with a limp miniature dragon in their mouth. The adults bounced back and forth between revenge and protecting the rest of their clutch from the other predator. Quietly, and without a great deal of motivation, he hobbled down the stairs. He reached the door and took one look at the house. He missed the gaping hole in the living room the first time around, or at least, didn’t think it to be important. This house, like everything else in this world, was a ruin. Nick turned the knob, and left. For now, he was too stunned to think or feel anything. He just acknowledged that Jenny was gone. Their home, that they had planned to spend their life together, likely destroyed. His future, would never happen.

Just a pipe dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things from my game... As I'm sure you guessed Nick V was my go to bro. I discovered something very strange with him. In my game Valentine HATES ragstags. Typically whenever an enemy was about to be encountered, he normally wouldn't engage until after I did, EXCEPT for ragstags! He would literally go out of his way to kill them.
> 
> True story, I once found 2 families of ragstag does with fawns. I was like: "Hey look at the family of deer! Holy attention to detail Bethesda! That is SOO Cool, I'm going to go in and try and get a few screenshots!" Which all my snapshots then involved Nick Valentine slaughtering the two mothers and two fawns. What an asshole! Another point in the game, I got Nick's personal quest which made him temporarily unavailable a companion. What's the first thing he does? Runs completely off course in the wrong direction and finds a glowing Ragstag to kill. It was so very WTF. Even Dogmeat wasn't that bad!
> 
> The red house was based on the red house I found right after I found out he wasn't romanceable. I was like Come on V! We can make this work! Oh hey, look at this cute little quant house, it's in good shape! We can settle in here just patch up a couple holes, a little paint. We can totally set up sho- OMG!! ITSAFREAKINGDEATHCLAW!!  
> KILLITKILLITNOWWITHFIRE!!! I Nearly died. Then ANOTHER ONE shows up... barely killed that one. Then after using up all my main ammo and stimpacks, I ran outside of the house right into two yao guai which one promptly killed me. That encounter was NUTS!


	4. Not human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Folks didn't really know much about synths back then, so when I finally ran into people, they mostly treated me with caution rather than hostility. But the kids, they weren't afraid. I think his name was Jim. The first person to actually speak to me after I got the boot from the Institute. My first human contact in this world. Grilled me for an hour."
> 
>  
> 
> Nick Valentine finally finds his first signs of humans surviving the war. His arrival isn't met with open arms however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the day off. And I wasted it! I did nothing but write today. But! I actually got fairly far! Still not far enough in the story for Nick to find out he's an Institute Synth, let alone get into Diamond City Uhhggg!! But hey, I have enough of a bumper that I can keep this going without too many breaks in between. Nothing spectacular with this chapter, except that I initially rewrote it about four times.
> 
> Also this chapter was going to be super long, so I'm breaking it down into two chapters, and uploading both.

He was done! He was ready to just find a spot, lay down and see how long the sands of this damned world buried him. His leg burned in agony. Robots weren’t supposed to feel pain! He was sure of that, but none the less, he was carrying on with a limp that sparked a sharp line from his leg all the way to his skull. He was exhausted. Though, that was to be expected for one who hadn’t slept for a better part of two weeks. Then again who’s keeping count. It was hard to in a world like this. Everything seemed to run on two tiers. Days where everything was out to kill him, or days where his emotions would save them the trouble. During his time here he learned something disspiriting. Something that may have been common sense if you weren’t running around with memories of a normal, unscathed society. Don’t have hope. It only hurt more to have it ripped out from you.

He expelled an exhausted breath from his so called lungs. Braced on an old wooden fence gate, he draped his head into his arms. Ahead of him was a small pond. On the other side he could see another set of houses. A fire glowed outside of it, giving it a warm and inviting appearance.

If. Only.

He dragged his eyes up to look at it. Any hope he ever had was gone. There was nothing left but a stabbing jab where he now assumed his new body cradled his anxiety. Or maybe it was some wire that popped loose in one of the many attempts of trying to beat off, or flee some demonic woodland creature. Guess it didn’t matter much at this point.

Then he heard laughter. His ears dialed it up. Innocent, young laughter that belonged to a child's. He lifted himself up and furrowed his brows. There were more voices. Nick found himself shaking his head in disbelief. A family? Couldn’t be! Then he watched as fire light projected shadows on to the distant shed wall. Human-like forms danced in purple hues within the orange-yellow glow. Nick nearly vaulted from the fence. Working his way around the pond and closer to the nearest house he pushed on with one last whim of determination. His one foot, dragged more than assisting in his cause. 

When he saw them, he almost went out of his mind. People. Honest to god people! All his emotions of despair flushed to his face, he could feel the dam wanting to break open in overwhelming relief. At this point he nearly had to hold himself back from running up and kissing them. But then they caught sight of him as he was racing towards them. That’s when it all came to a crashing hault. A father had tossed his daughter up into the air, caught her, and when he looked up, ripped the last remnants of optimism from Nick’s chest. Nick instantly knew what that look meant. Those people were human. He was not. In that one moment of pure realization it was like a cannon fired through his heart.

He didn’t belong here. After everything he went though-

The father’s actions turned from innocent play to alarm. Even at this distance and in the dusk to twilight light, Nick could see the blanching in the man’s face. The father hissed orders for the children to make a hasty retreat inside, then he called for assistance. In a few paces the man had a rifle at hand and had become the homestead sentinel.

Nick’s enthusiasm sunk. His body with it. He stood there feeling his pitiful existence in question. In a hasty step he diverted his direction. Having the man see him now felt so wrong. Like he could feel his gaze burn through his plastic flesh and into the mechanical clockwork underneath. Nick walked until he reached a wall of a shambled old building, he caught his weight with one arm before collapsing down to a sit. As his back struck the wall it knocked the wind from his pipes. He knew better. He damn well knew! Nick you stupid bastard! Yet he still let the delusions of hope get the better of him. Now everything felt even more bitter. After everything he went through, after he finally found the one thing he thought could give him hope, he realize he didn’t belong. Not with them. Not here.

“Jason? What’s going on?”

“Over there, next to the old barn. See it?” 

“Who? The person? Raider?” 

“No. Look at it. It’s like- I don’t know what that is, but it’s not human.”

With furrowed brows, the man took his rifle and lined it up putting Nick in the center of the glass. He peered into the crosshairs of the scope and eyed the creature once over. He lowered it and looked over at Jason again. Now with an even more confused look. 

“What’s it doing here?”

“Donno. It’s hurt. Limping pretty bad. Saw it heading right towards me, my kids. Then it went over there.” He motioned at the barn again.

“You think it was going after the kids!?”

“What? No,” Jason’s brows crinkled at the random accusation. He shook his head. “I grabbed my gun. Must have scared it off.” 

More people gathered and looked on to the android’s position.

“Margie, Dave, Mac why don’t you circle around it. Keep an eye on it. I’ll let the others know what we got here.” The three exchanged nods with him. He took another look through his scope. Watched as the thing buried it’s eyes in its finger and thumb. When his hand dropped away, it avoided looking at them. Then it nervously started to wring out its hands. 

Nick was trying to distract himself by rolling his hands over each other, feeling the rubbery plastic roll beneath his grip while his coolant and stress battled for control over his body. He had finally found what he was looking for and like a fool thought he could just walk right up to them. Be all personable. He scoffed at himself. He dropped his hands onto his knees and dared a quick glance over at the man, very momentarily. At least enough to see that a small posse formed. Fire and pitchforks. Except every one of them brandished a gun or a rifle, much easier to take him out without having to really look at him. He wasn’t sure if that was better. For now, they were keeping their distance. Circling him, tactically tagging him, but not engaging. Nick could hear them chattering to one another with their plots against the likely threat. He closed his eyes and forfeited any attempt to hear them. He didn’t want to know their plans, but he could imagine. His lip twisted down into a deep frown. He could feel his negative emotions brimming. Trying to ignore them, he harshly rubbed at the dust around his brow. He took a breath to push them down. Then a swallow. Still they persisted. 

He heard a snap of vegetation that told him he was now surrounded by all sides. It was up to them to make the first move. And if it was to put him down-

He turned his head, squeezed his eyes down tighter. His body forced out a heavy, pained gasp mixed with emotion. Not that thought! Not after all these days, he couldn’t, wouldn’t think about going out like this. That was just too cruel! Stress won the fight, his body flooded with a haze of heat. His fingers continued to push at his eyes forcing them to stay dry, instinct and muscle memory. His glowing plates certainly had no capability of releasing tears, but old lingering memories convinced him otherwise. After a bit he recalled that he could force his body not to breath. He didn’t want and stray breath to risk unleashing a torrent so he forced his lungs still.

“Dad! What’s happening!?” That question pierced through the night.

Nick couldn’t help but look. He realized minutes had passed and they still hadn’t done anything but watch. Maybe, if he could approach them, communicate with them; they’d find that he wasn’t a threat. He tried to stand but his leg protested too much. He let it win. Besides, his attempt to stand up put the men and women on edge. Their weapons returned to the ready. They went back to the intense visual standoff that Nick didn’t want any part of it. The father chastised the boy and sent him on his way again. 

“Jim, damnit. Get your sister and go inside!”

“She is inside!” Jim whined in return.

“You too! Get in there!” 

With a stubborn snort, Jim went towards the front of the disheveled house. On the other side he saw a man named Walter explaining to the crowd what had lurked on the outskirts of their little homestead. 

“What do you mean you don’t think it’s human. Walter-”

“Look I know, Abby,” he held up a hand, “and I don’t know how to explain it. It’s definitely some sort of man. But, get a good close look at it. It’s white. Has seams. More like a doll,” he brushed his hand down his face suggesting the seam that parted Nick’s realistic face from the plastic cap covering his processor.

“Sure it’s not a scar?”

“Yeah. You’ll know what I mean when you see it. I swear though.” he scratched at his scalp. “Jason has the best eyes in the commonwealth. I would have never seen it,” he then mumbled to himself, “til it was too late.”

“You think it’s dangerous?”

“I don’t- I don’t think so. Doesn’t seem to be. Not enough to lose sleep over. Either way, might want to have the safeties off. Just in case it comes to blows. We’ll keep tabs on it. If you don’t hear any shooting, then I guess by morning we can decide how we want to approach it.” 

“Maybe it’ll just go away. Maybe if we just leave it alone, it’ll leave!”

“That’s the plan for now. I-”

“Why don’t you just go talk to it?” Jim demanded, exposing his presence to the crowd. 

“Jim, getch’ur butt inside!”

“I’m just tryin to help!” He was met with a sharp finger pointing to the house door. “Come on!” The stern gaze he got never faltered. Jim yowled before relenting. “I’m not a kid!” Jim hissed but finally did as he was told. 

“The hell you ain’t!”  
_____ 

Enough time passed that Nick was able to ease over the fight he had with his emotions. He allowed his body to pull in air through his nose. He couldn’t help but notice how breathing calmed him down. It just felt- natural. Perhaps because in moments like this, when he wasn’t fighting the elements or the monsters or the sum of his parts, he didn’t feel like a robot. Which he figured was the reason why this whole escapade made him so frustrated. Shouldn’t he just be glad to see that people were alive? But that obviously wasn’t enough. He so damn desperately wanted to talk to them. Be there as part of a community. Like the days he remembered. Nick’s neck craned up, thudding his head against the wall and looking up at the night sky. He couldn’t help but think of his memories of human interaction. Something so simple as his co workers playfully heckling him, asking him when he was going to be proposing, or rubbing in that he was the new guy on the block. General chit-chatting about their social life over overly burnt cups of coffee. He closed his eyes and tried to focus wholly on his memories. But the slightest snap of a twig, a distance shushed cough, each one was a reminder that he wasn’t a guest here. Out of all the long nights he had so far, this one was going to be the longest.

But he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He wanted so badly just to talk to someone.


	5. The New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Folks didn't really know much about synths back then, so when I finally ran into people, they mostly treated me with caution rather than hostility. But the kids, they weren't afraid. I think his name was Jim. The first person to actually speak to me after I got the boot from the Institute. My first human contact in this world. Grilled me for an hour."
> 
>  
> 
> Nick Valentine finally finds his first signs of humans surviving the war. His arrival isn't met with open arms however.  
> Then he makes an unlikely friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the day off. And I wasted it! I did nothing but write today. But! I actually got fairly far! Still not far enough in the story for Nick to find out he's an Institute Synth, let alone get into Diamond City Uhhggg!! But hey, I have enough of a bumper that I can keep this going without too many breaks in between. Nothing spectacular with this chapter, except that I initially rewrote it about four times.
> 
> Also this chapter was going to be super long, so I'm breaking it down into two chapters, and uploading both

He never slept. Of course not. He apparently hadn’t needed sleep for the past two weeks, why start now. The sun was far from coming up, but so far his wait felt like days. He then caught a slight sound out of his right ear. He tensed when he realized that someone had snuck up on him. Not quite bad enough to get willies, maybe he couldn’t get them, but certainly enough to be alarmed. Nick slowly looked over his shoulder. He expected a barrel of a gun accompanied by an angry face, instead was surprised see a young boy of around the age of thirteen arched over in a sneak. The boy got within ten feet, before straightening out his stance. The jig was up and the kid knew it.

“Hi.” He spoke in a surprisingly nonchalant voice. He kept it quiet enough to avoid attracting unwanted eavesdroppers. Nick tried to respond, but found his voice was lacking. So the boy continued. “I’m Jim.”

Nick stared at him not sure what to say, even if it was obvious. He tried to straighten out to shake the cobwebs loose.

“Nick. Nick uh, Valentine.” 

The kid tilted his head in question. “Nick Valentine? That’s a weird name for a robot.” Jim sauntered in front of Valentine and plopped down in the dried weeds and rubble. Nick looked at Jim in discomfort. His first comment out of the pot wasn’t one he really welcomed. Whether or not Jim noticed this, he let his first statement slide. “Everyone wants to know what you’re doing here?”

Nick was slow to respond. The truth was, he was good as an impromptu wordsmith, but right now, he was too exhausted, too emotionally dim to think of anything witty, and too afraid of the eggshells he’d step on if he did say something out of place. So he stuck with safe.

“Looking for- some place safe, I guess.” That honestly was the farthest from the truth. The real reason was one he thought was pretty obvious, but his condition made it harder to explain. “What about you? I hadn’t expected the ambassador to be one of such an, unqualified age.” He couldn’t hide the caution in his voice with his next question. “Do you’re parents know you’re here?”

“It’s just my dad. Mom’s- gone now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Question still stands though. You’re dad. I’m sure he wouldn’t be pleased if he knew you were here, and I wouldn’t want to get you into any kind of trouble.”

“I can take care of myself.” Jim puffed up some air into his chest, lifted his shirt, and exposed a very modified gun tucked into his belt. Nick pulled back wearily not sure if it was because he was armed, or if it was because he was a kid with a gun. Likely latter, but this world was so different than his own, it wasn’t his place to protest. Jim continued, “besides, it’s stupid! They all know you’re here. They’re just hoping if they ignore you, you’ll go away.”

“Ah, explains why I haven’t seen them make their rounds lately,” he glanced around to see how many people had eyes on him at the moment. It was far less intense now, and obviously held enough gaps that Jim was able to exploit them. “And what about you? Hoping I’ll just, go away?”

“I don’t know? Depends on why you’re here?” Obviously his given answer wasn’t satisfying. Nick watched as the kid reoriented his shirt back over his belly. Maybe this kid was more clever than he gave credit to. Maybe Nick Valentine was just that boorishly transparent.

Nick sighed sharply. “Spent the better part of two weeks wandering the wasteland. Hadn’t seen a soul. Almost thought there weren’t any.” 

“Yeah? We’re around.” Jim started picking at a weed, and whittling it between his fingers. “Lot of scary stuff out here, so we don’t like to stick our neck out.” The kid tilted his head and eyed him in a way of implying what scary stuff entailed in this case. Nick absently nodded his head in agreement failing to notice the hint. 

“So, is it just you guys here?” Nick partially had to clear his throat. “Any other groups of people out here?”

“Who’s asking!” Not a question but a suspicious demand. Nick barely gave him a shake of his head. A defeated one. The kid seemed to realize the hostility was unneeded. “Yeah. There’s the Moore’s, two miles from here and the Tallow’s. They gotta kid my age, but he’s a moron.” 

“A moron huh?”

“Yeah. He’s full of shit. A total liar.” He elaborated. “He told me he road a motorcycle once.”

“Huh. A motorcycle eh.” Nick tried gauging this kid. He forced a smile. “I had a motorcycle once.”

“Right.” Jim ridiculed.

“Sure. It was a 2067 BSA four forty one Victor Roadster. Thing purred like a kitten. Best damn thing in the world. I was younger then so-” For reasons unknown to him, Jim bubbled out in laughter.

“Yeah, I bet you were younger then!” Jim taunted with a smile that spread ear to ear. Nick gave him a confused once over. Jim then snickered off some more. The boy seemed to have caught on to something he missed. “So like- you had to pay a million of money,” a strange word to emphases, “in gas too?”

Nick tsked. “Pretty damn near. Paid more each time I needed gas than I probably spent on the bike itself. That was a real shame. She was a real cherry, that thing.” Nick started to sink back in his memories. Not long though, he didn’t want to seem rude to his new friend. One that he couldn’t help but notice had a mocking look buried beneath that amused smirk. It would have bothered him more, if he wasn’t so desperate to be distracted with conversation. “You uh, never saw a motor bike huh?”

“Well yeah. Saw one. Don’t mean it don’t work though.”

“Fair enough.”

“So did you drive a car too?” There was no hiding his mocking tone in this one. Nick wasn’t quite sure where all this ammunition came from.

Nick nodded. “Yep. Fusion core. Never did feel quite right wielding a nuclear time bomb under the hood of my car.” 

“Yeah? Ever see one explode?!” The kid ticked up in whispered excitement.

“Hmm. Can’t say that I have.” Glad for that. Heard of it. Would have made all his nightmares about that damned car true. Of course, everyone was terrified of even a fender bender with those beasts. He even heard once that they stopped handing out speeding tickets, and instead started issuing slowing tickets of all things. 

“Yeah. I hear it’s just like shooting off a mini nuke. The whole sky turns white and then there’s this huge explosion!” Jim then aimed up his finger and cocked it, making an gunshot noise, a stream of whistling then after a second, imitated a loud explosion, complete with wafting air.

“Huh.” Nick just stared at the kid. Then a half mocking nod of his own formed. “And where do you suppose you’d get yourself a mini nuke.” 

“Pft. The city!” He said it like it was so obvious.

Nick laughed out incredulously, “I highly doubt that!”

“Oh yeah? And what do you know about cities?” 

“Considering I grew up on one, I’d say plenty. I was born and raised in Chicago. Moved to Boston after, when I took a job at the Bureau of Alcohol, Drugs, Tobacco, Firearms and Lasers or B.A.D.T.F. if you’d rather not rattle off a mouth full. So considering that I lived in one all my life,” he was interrupted. 

“Oh yeah?” Jim leaned in closer, coyly as if he knew a secret that would expose all of Valentine’s lies. “What’s it like then?” Jim demanded. Nick raised an eyebrow at him before shaking it off. He then leaned back, and told him. All the mundane tidbits of living and working in a city. Through out it all, he could sense Jim’s responses and interruptions were, in a sense, playing it off. Like none of it was believable and the kid was just humoring him. It offset Nick a bit, but he was glad to tell his history anyway. Anything to get his mind off the juxtaposed wasteland. Nick unraveled most of his life story. At least the bits that stuck out in his mind minus some heavy grievances. Some memories were dustier than others. Others could have happened yesterday. Through out it all, Jim picked apart all the little details. Most were words lost in translation, which eluded Valentine’s comprehension as to why. Others, Valentine carefully considered, in case the kid could pick up any incidental details that could somehow unravel this whole mystery. Something was amiss, and it didn’t take a detective to know that.

After Nick regaled all the immediate memories he could think of, Jim was quick to pull him back to the present.

“So who built you?” It was all too soon. Nick dropped to a deadpan expression before sighing. 

“Wish I could tell ya. Honestly though, I have no idea.”

“So,” Jim pondered again with a crinkle in his nose, “you don’t know who made you?”

“No idea kid. I have all my memories as a cop, next thing I know. I wake up. Out here. In this-” his lips pursed trying to think of a hate filled word that was still appropriate for his good company, he failed, “world.”

Jim shifted his position so he was next to Valentine. Nick was well aware that someone was trying to be inconspicuous as they watched them. He wasn’t sure if they spotted the boy or if the boy was really that slippery.

“So what? Why’d they put memories like that in a robot?”

“Kid, you can ask me all the questions in the world about robots and I can’t tell you squat. I was a human being, then I woke up as- this! End of story!” Nick threw his hand out front of him, glaring at it. Then his fingers slowly drew into a fist. Clenching so hard that it sounded like rubber bands creaking between his fingers. “I wish I did though. Give them a piece of my mind.” 

The kid reeled back sensing the danger in Nick’s voice. Nick dropped his hand into his lap and glared out in thought. His yellow eyes burning like a demon through the night.

It took a moment for Jim to ask his next question. This time, he was a bit more cautious. “Well, isn't there like, programming or something. Can’t you like, I don’t know, hack yourself and look it up.”

Valentine huffed an annoyed laugh. “I wish it were that simple. It’s not exactly like there’s a terminal and a keyboard I’m dealing with here. Hell, I’m not even sure I’m a robot and not in some, twisted mind trip someone’s gaming on me!”

“Mind trip?” Jim asked. Nick shrugged. It was a thought he already put to pasture. Not once had he ever noticed any glitches he would have expected from a simulated program. Everything seemed too real. Perfect in how batshit crazy everything was. The pain, the emotions, the chaos, Jim. All too real. And now that he had the time to explore the questions about himself, something very conserting kept pointing to one answer and one answer alone. One Nick wasn’t ready to admit. So he brushed it to the back of his mind.

“Just a theory I had. One that doesn’t make much sense now.” 

“That sucks.” The kid’s condolences on something that sounded too complicated and boring to probe further. He pushed on with what he was really curious about. “So what’s it like? Being a robot?” 

Nick’s eyes widened in thought. That was too broad of a spectrum to answer honestly. “Strange,” was the shortest, easiest reply. Again, Jim wasn’t satisfied. 

“Just. Strange? C’mon! You can do better than that!”

Nick blew air from his lips. Sharing feelings wasn’t something he was particularly good at to begin with. Now add in how everything felt foreign and off kilter compared to what was expected. He was in fact some sort of robot. Maybe one unheard of. One more human than your run of the mill General Atomics class bot. An android. 

“I don’t know. Sometimes, you forget. You forget that you’re not human. Then other times you realize that you can’t feel, not like a person would. Like the wind. You can’t feel it on your skin. You can’t feel if it’s warm or brisk. You just know it’s there, I think sensors tell you that. But things like pain. touch,” his voice drifted not able to grasp any word he could think of to explain it. “I don’t know how to describe it. But my emotions, I still feel those. I still get scared, and,” he looked down at Jim, “hopeful. I think like myself, everything in here, still me. And you’d think I wouldn’t be if I were just a robot.” He sighed. At this point Nick found himself wringing his hands together again. Taking in the sensors across his plasticy skin. He could feel the coating on his right hand was looser than his left. Maybe from him being right handed it meant his dominant hand was more worn out from use. Another thing that was strange from the transition. You would think a robot would be ambidextrous. He hadn’t realized it, but he sunk into thought. He also didn’t notice that Jim was studying him.

“How come you breath?” Jim interrupted his thoughts. Nick looked at him. His expression was dull, still partially lost in thought.

“Instinct I guess.” Nick replied ipso facto. He was done wrestling that silly question himself.

“Why would a robot have instincts? That’s dumb!”

“Well I’m not the one who programmed me!“ Nick growled. He then snapped, without meaning to. “Look, can we talk about something else?” 

“You don’t like being a robot.” Jim surmised quietly but outloud.

“No, I-it’s- Yes!” Nick fumbled for words before starting over. “Jesus. Yes, I hate it! It scares the hell out of me kid. I don’t know how to be a robot. And I sure as hell don’t know why I am one!”

Neither had noticed it, but this time Nick’s raise in voice caught attention. Nick was now preoccupied with his frustration. He only realized his observers were on to him when he saw a barrel of a gun charging at his direction. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” The man snarled behind his rifle. Both the kid and Nick recoiled now that they had been caught. 

Before Jim could even try and smooth out the situation, the man ran up and threatened Nick with the butt of his rifle. Nick twisted away and raised an arm as a shield. Instead the man gave one hell of a dirty glare to Valentine before taking one hand off his gun, grabbing Jim sternly by the upper arm and then rushing the lad off.

As fast as it had happened, he was gone with Jim in tow. Again it fell silent with a new level of unease. Despite the questions, he had been desperate for the company. He hated that he was alone again.


	6. Civilization Unscathed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Folks didn't really know much about synths back then, so when I finally ran into people, they mostly treated me with caution rather than hostility. But the kids, they weren't afraid. I think his name was Jim. The first person to actually speak to me after I got the boot from the Institute. My first human contact in this world. Grilled me for an hour. Once they'd seen I wasn't going to hurt anyone, the other folks in the neighborhood came out to ogle the mechanical man."
> 
> Nick had spent the last 2 weeks roaming the wasteland looking for any signs of human life. When he finally found it, his hopes are dashed. He isn't human, how could he possibly ever think he could be accepted as anything more than a machine. Lingering in the outskirts of the settlement, he is approached by an unlikely friend. The following morning, he chances his luck to see how well the other settlers will treat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter it may be a bit before the next update. I only read through my chapters a dozen or so times before I post them and I've only recently written the next few chapters. There's a lot of things I want to fluff or shorten... It's going to be a pain because my calculations would suggest Nick spends somewhere between 20-40 years in the wasteland...and Nick doesn't really elude too much in dialog that would suggest what he possibly did during all that time...So I assume NOTHING. He's done caravan work and wandering. And during that time, the Rail Road is still in its infancy so self-discovery is a little limited. There's also not much that happens in the Commonwealth during that time, aside from the MM loosing their base, which will be the decline of settlements. But that's about it.

Day break had come and the sun quickly filled the world with brightness and blue skies. On a weedy gravel road that ran through the little farmstead a lively discussion was brewing. Nearly the whole community was there, aside from the two youngest members and the father that had to keep one under scrutiny. They had heard the boy’s tale. Now as a collective they were debating if they should approach with hostility for decieving such an innocent youth, or to take the boy at his word and believe such a wild tale. The hushed but excited tones quickly ceased when someone caught sight of the white humanoid approaching them at a distance.

“Shh, shh shh! It’s there! It’s coming!” Without even a skip of a beat, the whole crowd turned and looked. And there as had been described, stood Valentine. He was just outside of the perimeter of the inhabitable buildings. His shoulders sagged and his face filled with trepidation as he cautiously watched them. He had grown weary of waiting for them to go to him. Before the sun cracked light into the sky he saw that his observers had turned in for the night. Despite the near hostile interaction he received when they came to collect the boy, they no longer outwardly seem to be threatened by him. And being left alone with nothing but his thoughts for a second time around, it ate at him too much to wait and see. So there he stood, watching as he put himself back into their crosshairs. They fanned out from their circle to a line, effectively making a firing brigade if they so chose to.

“Stop right there!” One woman shouted with a snarl. Her grip on her shotgun tightened.

Another member looked at her and accessed the situation. They clarified, “we don’t want any kind trouble!”

Nick swallowed, though there was nothing for his throat to push down. And amazingly a mechanism in his neck allowed him to do so. He nodded numbly. His arms growing even more rigid at his sides. Some members of the crowd exchange glances, seeing if any of them would make the first move. Others solely kept their eyes fixed on the mechanical form ahead of them. When one man moved ahead of the line, Nick instinctively took a step back. When his weight landed on his left leg he was reminded that if it came to blows, he did not have the capability to run from this.

“Well, let’s get this over with.” Dave muttered under his breath. Then holding himself up on fluffed set of confidence, he briskly walked towards the stranger. Two steps in, another three people followed. Even further the rest of the crowd joined in step. Each with a gun in hand. Nick’s breath hiked at their approach. He swore he felt a surge of adrenaline in his exhale. Since he was mechanical, he surmised it was all in his head. Regardless, he couldn’t shake the trepidation bordering on panic spanning across his body. The closer they got, the cagier he became and the crowd, damn them, seemed to be bolstered by this. They didn’t stop until they were within five feet from him and partially surrounding him. Nick could hear Jim in the background, begging for his safety. He hoped this crowd would listen to the boy’s plea.

Now he waited for anything to happen. Barking orders at him, screaming obscenities and questions of what he was and why he was there. A brawl with fists and bats, perhaps a quicker method, a rapid firing squad to lace him with bullets. He expected everything, everything except what happened next. Dave pushed his rifle behind him. His hand reached out to the machine and he then waited.

A handshake. Something civilized folk do. If he were human, Nick knew he would have been trembling at this moment. His gaze was fixed at first, either in disbelief or through fear that this was a cruel ploy. Then, cautiously, Nick reached his hand up and accepted the greeting. The man’s grip tightened, and a single jerk of the wrists completed the ceremony.

“Dave.” Was the only thing the man uttered. Nick was stunned. He opened his mouth to announce his name. Instead-

Nick choked. The second choke devolved into sobbing. He was unexpectedly broadsided by his own emotions and now that they released, he was at their mercy. His hand broke away from the handshake and came up to hide his face. It was all he could do as he sobbed in front of them all like a fool.

Anyone in the crowd who still held a zealous position of the android lowered their weapon. It was hard to threaten such a pitiful thing. The rest of the crowd silently watched, fascinated at how relatively human it looked for being not.

“I,” Nick mumbled, “I’m sorry.” He felt the need to apologize for his state. He quieted his moans and was relieved he didn’t need to worry about any of the slobbery side effects. Dave stepped back giving him some room. In the same breath, Walter stepped beside Nick and gently put his hand behind his arm.

“Let’s get you off that leg.” Nick looked up at him. Though there weren’t any tears, his glowing disks looked glassed over. The grimace he wore was surprisingly recognizable. Nick nodded numbly then worked to collect himself.

Walter led him to a stump in a the center of a somewhat greener looking patch of grass. Nick sat, pulling his leg straight to lessen the bite it was giving him.

“You gotta name?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah. Nick. It’s uh, Nick Valentine.”

“Where’d you come from Nick?”

Nick shook his head. “I’m not sure.” He sighed before answering to the best of his abilities. His eyes cast away. “I uh, woke in a trash heap. I’m not sure where that was. I’ve been too, disoriented to know what direction. Somewhere East. I think.”

“A trash heap? As in, someone threw you away?” Someone in the crowd asked, the rest of the group erupted in comments that suggested ridicule of such a crazy notion.

Nick said nothing. The weight of that question hadn’t really sunk in as harsh as it had now. Hearing the words laid out like that, it hurt brutally. Someone had built him and he was cast aside like garbage. Worthless garbage.

The settlers were still talking amongst themselves.

“So do you remember who made you?” Nick wearily shook his head.

Another settler shot out yet another question. “Do you have a home?”

The later question caused Nick’s jaw to tighten. He drew in a heavy breath, needing the moment to compose himself, and when he could, he shook his head.

“No. It’s gone. There’s nothing left. It’s all gone.”

There were questions shot in the dark for the who done it.  
“Raiders?”  
“Gunners?”  
“Super mutants?”

“No.” Nick hissed. “I don’t know what those are, but it wasn’t them.” Then he took a deep sour breath of air. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, he figured he’d relay them. “Here’s what I know. Before all this, I was a man. My fiance had just been murdered and I- I was a mess. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t work, so they volunteered me for some, deranged mind altering program. The last thing I remember was being called down to Cambridge to have my brain scanned.” His tone lowered and a growl more prominent, “getting turned into an android wasn’t exactly what I signed up for.”

There was silence. It hung in the air as they stared at him. Nick rolled through his thoughts. The who, when and why he was turned into an android eluded him. But for everything else, he knew exactly what had taken it all away from him, he just needed to confirm his hunch.

“The war. It happened, hadn’t it? That’s why there’s nothing left.”

When no one was answering, his blazing yellow eyes shot up to the closest people around him. They seemed to be confused by his question. “Well?” Nick demanded.

“Yeah. It happened.” The farmer answered with what he felt was an obvious fact. “Over a hundred fifty years ago.”

The android reeled back in shock. Nick’s hand clutched over his mouth and he sunk away back into his thoughts. “A hundred? Fifty years? Oh Jesus.”

The crowd hovered around him. The strange predicament dawning on them. The boy had been telling the truth. But what do you say to someone out of time and apparently out of body. There were doubts however, artificial intelligence was a pretty crazy thing. Someone could program it to do anything, be anyone.

“I wonder if this is Felicia's doing.” Someone mouthed just low enough not to tip the android.

“A little late for an April Fools prank.”

A woman sighed. It was the woman who had watched the android overnight. She had seen the machine and the boy talking. Even after the father found out and collected his son, she still watched. Margie walked up to Nick. She rested her hand on the android’s shoulder. She could feel a constant soft hum of his mechanical underpinnings in her fingertips. He cast a sad cursory glance up at her.

“Is there something we can get you?” She asked, knowing he needed repairs and if it concerned the mechanical man, new clothes. It had oily, dirty rags draped over it’s shoulder. Seeing how the plastic of his skin fared in better shape than the tatters of cloth, she wondered if he had found those on its own. Making due with what he could.

“Actually, a cigarette if you got one.”

“Uh cigarette?” Margie looked at him bewildered. “Uh,” her voice hiked,” yeah.”

She turned around. She didn’t smoke, nearly everyone else in the crowd did. Some were suspiciously fishing out a cigarette or two from their pockets. A pack was offered and she transferred one to Nick’s hand.

“Thanks,” Nick nodded just as another settler reached down to light it. The tip flared and Nick took a draw deep enough to suck the flame a quarter down its wrapping. He closed his eyes as he could taste the smoke roll across his tongue. The curls sucked down into his lungs. There he felt nothing. He held it, begging his body to let him have this one little thing. To experience the one vice he remembered as a human that wasn’t so bad. His teeth clenched. Just as he nearly fretted that he’d longed for a cigarette for so long for nothing, he exhaled in relief. It was there. It should have been stronger, a wallop, but even if it was much more faint than he liked, he could seemingly feeling the nicotine trace out into his systems and seemingly calm his nerves. God he could feel it.

And he’d take it. He’d take every damn bit of it.

“How is it?” It was Walter who asked. Nick inhaled again, before taking another drag.

“About as good as you can expect.” But he said it with a lot less venom, and a small amount of relief.

One farmer nodded at the sun. It was getting mid morning, most morning chores should have been done by now and there was clearly no need for a milita. “It’s getting late, I gotta get things going. Brahmin haven’t been fed yet. You know what’ll happen if they don’t.”

He dispersed. Others folks lingered but knew they had chores to get to too. Nick started to wonder where the boy was. Last night’s little tete-a-tete must have gotten him in more trouble than he thought.

“Well, come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Nick was surprised when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

They walked into a small windowless building. Two men were taking the lead. Margie following behind. Whatever this room was, it had a makeshift shower in the back room.

“Whoa!” Nick yowled stumbled backwards nearly bowling the poor woman down. The three humans looked for what could have possibly unnerved the android. They got their answer when they saw he was staring at a medicine cabinet mirror on the wall. Nick stiffened and walked up to it, wiping away years of dust on its reflective surface. He peered at his face, examining his features. Acquiescing that they were now his own. His one finger pulled down the skin under his eye revealing more of what should have been the whites of his eyes. They were now a dark gray. His iris was replaced by glowing yellow halogen rings.

“Well. Don’t they just glow like the devil.” Nick grumbled. “No wonder I gave you folks nightmares.”

“It’s not that bad.” Margie stepped closer to him. He gave her an annoyed and incredulous glare. “You still look human.”

“Barely.”

“Well, you will. When you get dressed proper.” She picked at the oil tatters on his shoulder. If he could have, he would have blushed purple, now realizing he had been more or less half naked in front of them. All of them. He turned his head away and wore the embarrassment on his face as clear as the day is long.

“There’s a water pump outside. It’s been primed already. There’s no electricity in here so the shower don’t work. But there’s soap there in the corner.” He pointed to the showerstall, then nodded outside with his chin. “The water’s cold but it shouldn’t be too bad with the hot weather we’ve been having lately.”

“And I brought you some clothes.” Margie set them on top of a once upon a time water heater in the corner. They were cleaned and folded nearly, but they still held years of staining and age.

“I uh, I don’t know how I could possibly repay you folks.”

“Just pay it forward.” Walter told him.

“Do what?”

The man humphed with a smile. “It’s something my granddad’s dad taught us. It’s a- maybe a little old fashioned but I still put a lot of faith in it. It’s when you’re kind to someone. In hopes they’ll be kind to someone else, makes a chain and in the end, well, hopefully that kindness will make it’s way back to you.”

Valentine nodded numbly. “Good words to live by.”

“Well, I gotta get tending to the gardens. These two will take care of you if you need anything.”

He left, and a moment later the couple stepped out to give Nick a moment to clean up in privacy.

After a minute Nick stepped out with soap in hand and the clothes draped over his shoulder. He was wearing the pants. He already felt exposed enough for one lifetime, and he wouldn’t want anyone to suffer the looks of this horror of a body.

“I’m just saying, John. We need to do something about him.” Was the conversation that caught Nick’s ears.

“Keep your voice down Marge. He can hear you.”

Nick glanced to see they were watching from a nearby tree. He sighed. And here he was starting to think they were getting along. Thinking about what that ‘do something’ could be, he moved slowly. He was tapped for energy and the constant guessing game of what was going to happen next caused him to grow weary. They were being nice, and with the way his luck was running the past two weeks, he was sure there was still an unpleasant surprise waiting for him at the end of this rainbow.

He worked at busying himself by scrubbing the cold water and soap harshly across his arms. He tried very hard not to notice the lack of sensation he should have been feeling. It was going to be a long time before he got used to this body. After he scrubbed the oils and dirt away, he pulled the shirt on, working the buttons from the bottom up, then slid on the shoes. He straightened out when Margie and John approached him.

“We gotta mechanic in town. Figure she can give you a once over. Maybe take a look at that busted up leg of yours.”


	7. The Mechinist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who'd been dead for 200 years. Suffice to say it was a confusing couple of weeks. Folks didn't really know much about synths back then, so when I finally ran into people, they mostly treated me with caution rather than hostility. Once they'd seen I wasn't going to hurt anyone, the other folks in the neighborhood came out to ogle the mechanical man. Local mechanic even gave me a once over, free of charge. Those people, they treated me like a human being."
> 
> Nick spent weeks wandering the wasteland looking for human survivors. When he finally found a settlement, he has lingering doubts as to where he stands in society. He wants to be human, he feels human, yet he's not. And there are memories floating beyond the cusp of his recollection that pushes him to that conclusion. Spending time with the local mechanic causes some of these fears to the forefront, but the reaction he expects, isn't what he's given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FFFFfffffffffffffffffff Everything changes yet again! Did you know, originally I was going to write the mechanic as a guy... then I thought... hmmm I have too many men doing stuff..I need more diversity. Now i feels like the most active characters are female. Then I was thinking there could be some fun tension stuff going on with the mechanic and Nick...but it ended up toning down to more neutral territory. Then I was like..OMG is it too much, what he's going though. I have a chapter later in the story this ties to..is it too tied? Should I remove it entirely? Wait no..that's what build ups is for. Ugg. Also, SUPER long chapter, but I can't think of a good breaking point in the middle to pull it apart. 
> 
> Also, I was sick today. I ended up taking off work early and couldn't go to my social thing. It's no fun.

Nick was led to a large shop a few buildings away. Any eyes in the fields that they walked past were steadfast on the stranger. Any conversation pieces, revolved around him as well. There was no doubt about that. He stepped through the sun lit room of the mechanic’s shop. There the rest of the settlers congregated to natter, throwing full blown controversy and conspiracy theories at a young woman who seemed more than amused at their stories. Until she saw it. The mechanical man with her own two eyes.

“Oh shit.” She balked and stepped off of her stool. Clearly this was the first time she had seen him. Apparently not everyone had made it to the morning meeting. Which explained why everyone was here, sharing in the juicy tidbits of his arrival.

“This is Felicia, our mechanic, and all around Miss Fix it.” Margie stepped forward and introduced the girl.

“How do you do?” Nick offered out a handshake. After all, it had worked once.

“Wow.” She stammered back. Nick pulled back feeling alienated, but not surprised. “You’re the real deal? I thought they were just pulling my leg! I uh-” she trailed. “Heh. Just, wow. Okay. Let’s get a look at you.” She slowly prowled around him like a carnivore. Nick tried to stand neutral, but his eyes followed her cautiously. When she completed the circle and once again stood face to face with the machine, a flashlight clicked on and blighted him in his eyes. He blinked as his sensory readings flashed white.  
“Amazing. The reactions are so human like!” She inched her face forward to study the minute expressions of his face. A deep concerned frown with an arched eyebrow seemed to be studying her back. That frown slipped into a curl when his lip tightened at his mouth. Mimicked expressions so precise she couldn’t believe her eyes. But she shouldn’t get ahead of herself. She stiffened. “I assume it follows basic commands?”

“Huh?” That expression was the most vocal anyone in the crowd got. When no one responded she assumed they were leaving up to the expert to figure it out. A wide smile spread across her face.

“Well then, let’s get to it.” Her hands clapped together and she rubbed them in anticipation. She noted a seam run from his base of his neck to his shoulder but she couldn’t see anything past the fabric. She directed him as she would instruct any of her devices and she didn’t want to waste any time. “Okay. Take off your clothes.”

“Uh.” Nick stammered. “Do what now?” He hoped to hell he misheard her. A demand like that was far more forward than he was comfortable with. He could have been in the prime of a different lifetime with any dame demanding it, and it wouldn’t have changed that fact, let alone with this body worthy of boasting to no one.

She made an annoyed sound of impatience. Without thinking, she reached up to grab the shirt from his stomach, pulling it up towards his shoulders. Too forward.

“Hey!” Nick shouted and twisted away forgetting about his leg. He ended up on the concrete floor. Hard, with a gasp. The others rushed to help him when they heard the hearty clap as his body fell into the ground. When he looked up, everyone was hovered over him. Nick blinked back, feeling a memory trigger. It was too instantaneous for his mind to see giving him the illusion that he had halted it. However an overwhelming hit of that sterile smell engulfed his mental state. It left him with this crude feeling of subjugation. Of being reduced to a spectacle, an exhibitionist piece. And when it came down to him being the center of of the circus, stripped down and laid bare, with all his parts exposed, he felt overwhelmingly cornered. “No! Don’t touch me!” He snarled at white hazy figures that he couldn’t make out with the blinding light behind them. He had his arms held out as shields, trying to block out them and the light, and when he wasn’t grabbed, he shuffled away from them along the dusty floor.

“What just happened?” She asked catching sight of a strange impulse of -emotion?

“Hey, Nick? It’s okay.” One man tried to settle him but unsure how of how close he could get without enticing a reaction. He was crouched down and reaching his hand out, but he didn’t dare touch him.

Margie had no such reserve. She grabbed Nick by the shoulder and arm. He flinched and when felt her. For a split moment, he balled his hand into a fist ready to fistacuff the offender. Then when he saw it was her there, he looked incredibly confused. Like he hadn’t expected it to be her.

“He’s uh, gotta leg that’s all banged up.” Another settler told Felicia, who still wasn’t fully grasping as to why the mechanical man he fallen.

“Oh! Um, here put it on the workbench.” She moved a wrench from her otherwise clutter free table. As she turned everyone was staring at her. Giving her the most incredulous glare, like she had miscalculated something gravely important. “What?” She turned to look at the machine again. Margie and another man were helping him to his feet.

“I’m not an it.” Nick remarked sadly, rifling through the emotions that came with the memory he couldn’t grasp. His hand reached up to cradle his head.

“You okay?” Margie asked him.

It took a second to respond. That unnerving feeling still lingering. “Yeah. I think.” He lied, but it was unfair to bore them with the details of his outburst. Especially when he couldn’t know what to tell them.

“Felicia.” Margie turned to the mechanic. “What were you thinking? This isn’t just a machine we’re dealing with here. You can’t treat him like one!”

“But I,” she looked past Margie’s glare to the android behind her. His one hand, the fingers drove into the crest of his brow, the other hand rested on his hip. He was deep in thought trying to work out his emotions. And when he felt she was watching him, his eyes slowly pulled up, locking on hers. A complete sense of acknowledgement. She dealt with robots enough to know they always put humans first in their focus. Always. It’s in their programming to do so. But when the android wasn’t getting a response, his eyes drifted away and back into the well of his own thoughts. “I don’t understand.” She approached Nick. “I’ve seen some complicated A.I. before but you’re, you’re different aren’t you?”

“I,” Nick tried to answer, but he didn’t even know where to start. She didn’t give him the time to.

“Who built you?” Felicia demanded it in a whisper, because she nearly couldn’t comprehend it.

“He doesn’t know.”

She mouthed gaped. She noticed his eyes met hers again, and if she dared say it, he looked just as alarmed and confused as her.

“So how much of are you a man, and how much a robot?” Her tone was no longer jubilant. There was nervousness now, and he confirmed the one thing she feared.

Nick sighed. “More like I can’t tell where one ends and the other begins.”

“Oh.” Felicia breathed now feeling rather unqualified for the job of examining and repairing something so far out of her pay grade. An android. Robots were one thing, humans completely another. If he didn’t know where that line was drawn, would she? Still, this was the greatest find in her lifetime, and it literally walked through her front door. Be damned if she was going to let a little fear get in her way of finding out more.

“Okay.” A long awkward moment of silence passed between the two. “Kay guys, time to scram.” The group looked up between the two. She continued, “I need to do an examination. Preferably alone. We don’t need everyone in here, gawking. Please? With sugar and mutberries on top and all that crap.”

 The crowd hadn’t moved yet. Nick felt a pang or reassurance when he realized they were looking more to him, questioning with their eyes, asking if he was comfortable enough to stay here by himself. Enough to be bolstered by this, he nodded to them.

“Well, I’ll meet up with you later.” Margie gave Nick an assuring squeeze on his arm.

“Go take a seat.” Felicia pointed to the workbench behind her. Out of her eye she watched as he shambled over to the table. The way he limped, she couldn’t help but notice that he seemed more affected by the pain than the damage. Felicia walked up to the two large shed doors, closing them and sliding the barricade down locking everything out. She then quickly walked away from the door past Nick to her tool box. She dug through the drawers and opened the one where she kept all her clean towels. She paused for a moment, twisting her lip in thought before grabbing a large maroon bath towel and walking back to the android.

“Here.”

“What’s this?” Nick asked wearily.

“You’re still going to need to take your clothes off. You don’t want them to get stained.” She was staring at the towel, not him. His hand rested on it before he pulled it from her grasp. Her eyes met his; he was already watching her. She nodded to herself and turned back to her tool box. Bracing herself up on her arms she waited. “I won’t look until you tell me to.” She offered. She heard him cast out a weary sigh.

Then, he shrugged off his fresh clothes and tossed them aside, which made a soft thud as they hit the floor.

“Alright.” His tone was even but on edge. She turned, her brows furrowed. She really hadn’t expected him to use the towel. He did in fact have a sense of modesty. It was wrapped tightly around his waist, and he had a stranglehold on the knot making sure it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Can I get you to sit on the bench?” Nick looked down at it. A clinic’s gurney was one thing. This was a beat up, dinged up shop table full of gouges, scrapes, and burns. A grim reminder that he would spend the rest of his life as a machine. He slowly lifted himself up and sat on the table’s edge. The mechanic walked up and knelt down to first examine the leg. At first touch he flinched with a gasped yelp.

“Okay.” She seethed. A robot that could feel pain. She wasn’t ready to address that yet. “We’re going to wait til the end for that. Not until I can figure out how you systems work so I don’t hurt you. So, hmm. Can I get you to lay down?”

He clumsily obeyed. He felt awkward, that was certain. His hands first draped down to his sides. Then he folded them over his stomach. Then threatened to cup over where a man would might feel most vulnerable. Felicia watched, then felt a burn in her ears as she realize he saw her staring.

In silence, his gaze tore away. He sighed again and folded his hands forcing them still at the crest of the towel. His fingers still fidgeted anxiously.

“Just so you know. I’ve never worked on anything quite like, um you. I’m uh, little bit nervous doing this.”

His glowing eyes darted up to her with a wide, unnerved glow. “You nervous?”

 

She chuckled, but more for him calling out the situation than for humor. This would be something to look back and laugh at. That’s what she told herself. Maybe he the same to himself. She took a deep breath before hovering over him. She carefully set her hand down over his chest, and he flinched. Felicia growled under her breath. Never had a robot do that before! She tried again. This time putting more pressure down as she traced the panels edges with her fingertip before reaching over, plucking a flat screwdriver off her arrangement and popping them off his body. He flat out jumped at that. His arms flung out and braced the table. After another odd second of awkwardness, he settled again with an apology.

Focus on the machine. Focus, on the machine. She told herself.

The clockwork seemed surprisingly simple for something so complicated. She reached in and started looking for any disconnects of wires or leaking gaskets. That was familiar, she could work with that. As long as she didn’t brush anything that would cause the body to jerk and him to pitch his breathing, or worse: yelp, she could work with that. The basics were her focus for the first hour. Soon her mind wound up on fire at the thought that he wasn’t just a mere machine. Her mind pondering what he was all capable of, what was included in his build. Pipes and mechanical organs. She reached up and felt the soft plastic that made up his lungs and squeezed it to gauge pressure and function. He expectedly reacted, but by now, she was getting used to the twitches and the jerks. Her curious mind wouldn’t slow to it anymore. She followed down a tank, it rolled into a plumbing system that looked like it’s function was similar to intestines. A exit valve hidden behind what looked like a plastic zipper. Everything she saw, she explored with her fingers. Beyond her sight, her fingers did the the robust examination. They slipped down in deeper, following the pipe’s through his body. How they connected to the internal braces, leading to the hips. How they connected and swiveled. The balance servos. How everything was webbed together with wires and sensors. Everything was so fascinating, including the sound of his intake of air. As soon as she focused on the sound, she noticed how tight and shallow his breaths were. Her gaze rested to his hands. His fingertips were gouging into the table. Harsh enough that the metal digits underneath the plastic sheath was creating scratch marks in the wood. She broke for a quick glance at his face. She paused when she noticed his eyes seemed to be a blaze in fear and so very distant. His gaze fixed at the ceiling and he looked like he was trying very hard not to be there. She hadn’t realized just how stiff his body had become. At once she pulled back.

“You holding in there?”

His breathing hiked at the sound of her voice. She felt like she had overstepped her bounds somehow.

“Hey. We don’t have to do this now.”

He swallowed and licked his lips. Those feelings he felt when he sprawled on the floor returned with a vengeance. This all felt far too familiar. Deja vu at its finest. And its worst.

“What choice do I have?” His voice was bitter, sounding as if he had been forced into this.

“You don’t have to.” Felicia tried to reassure him, but he looked so upset. “I mean, I’d like to be able to fix your leg. Make sure everything's okay, but we don’t have to do this now.” His stare to the ceiling refused to relent. He was still so damned determined not to be there mentally. “Hey? What’s wrong?”

After a lingering eternity, he found his voice. Barely. “I don’t know.” Nick had to admit and he hated that fact.

The mechanic once again found herself out of her bounds. Felicia back peddled, trying to bring him around. “Okay well, everything inside you looks fine. There’s no leaks or broken parts. You’re in no danger, so we can stop.” She even grabbed the closest panel to pop it back into place. To show him she wasn’t lying.

“I, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Nick continued, barely aware that she said anything.

“Hm?”

“I keep getting these flashes, memories of things I can’t seem to remember. One’s of another life time, and others.” His voice dimmed, “I don’t know what to make of the others.”

“Yeah? Memories like what?” She gently set the panel aside again.

He fought to collect his thoughts. His eyes darted to different places but never strayed from the ceiling. “Of ones from another lifetime, there of a man. They’re real. Or at least, feel real. Names, places, who they are. A whole life of details. I can swear it feels like I lived it all. That I was that man. But these others. I don’t know where the hell I am. Why I’m there. Every time these memories happen, I can never see their faces. Just, this bright light, and this smell. This horrible sterile smell. And I’m left with this feeling. Like I’m always some, I don’t know, like some crude piece of work. Just used up. Cast aside like yesterday’s paper, like I’m nothing. I don't know. Maybe because I woke up in a garbage heap?” He numbly shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m rambling on like some old fool.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re not rambling. This seems pretty important to you.”

“I’m just wondering if I'm not going out of my mind or something. That maybe I’m, I don’t know. Malfunctioning?”

“No,” she said with authority. “No, I’m sure that’s not it.” She grabbed her stool and pulled it towards the workbench. For now, they were done with the examination. “So you don’t remember who made you?” She took a seat.

“No.”

“Well, maybe you’re trying. Maybe deep down, you have some program that’s programmed to remember. Or maybe even a subconscious? Like a subconscious running in the background?”

“A subconcious? Like a- Well, I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Well. I thought you were a run of the mill android but you’re not really, are you?”

“Uh.” Nick fumbled for a response. “Well. You’re the expert here. Not me.” She looked at him. Really looked at him.

“You were scared.” Felicia said quietly. “Truly scared. I have never seen that programming in a robot before.”

Nick thought about it for a moment. His eyes finally strayed from the ceiling, but they weren’t ready to met hers yet.

 

“Hey. Let me ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Is it possible,” he turned the words trying to figure the best way to ask this, “for robots to have human brains?”

“Uh. Robots with brains? Sure, that’s possible. Brain bots are exactly that. But-” Felicia slid off her stool.

“Is it possible, could there be a brain under this chrome dome of mine?”

She took a step back, studying’ Nick’s head.

“Nick I, I don’t think so.”

“Could you look? Please, It’s something I uh, I gotta know. If I’m, the real deal. Or just some copy.”

“The real deal?” She asked. Her eyebrows furrowed. In a way it made sense, a lot of his personality would make sense if he had a human brain, but only to an extent. “Oh,” she said quietly, then quieter when she started putting the pieces together,” oh you poor thing. Well, it’s not- likely. The solution they have to keep the brain alive causes so much swelling. It generally ends up being five times larger than normal. If you were to have a brain in your head, it’d have to be a small piece of it. Quite honestly, you’re far too intelligent and clear headed for a damaged piece of brain.” She trailed, but sensed she should give him the benefit of the doubt. “Okay, I’ll check.” A clank as tools were picked up. Everything for this request. She helped him sit up. She then slipped her fingers down into Nick’s seams. After a moment a hard casing of titanium was exposed. Felicia popped a few fasteners out of place and slid the protective cranium off. Behind it, and ticking wildly was the most compact and busy computer she ever saw. She carefully set the metal down. With flashlight in hand she examined the contents careful not to touch any of them. After admiring the clockwork for a minute, she set her flashlight down. Then without saying a word, she put all the pieces back together. She didn’t want to look him in the eyes.

“What’s the verdict?” He questioned, with unease. She could feel the android’s gaze of pleading. Felicia looked down.

“I um-”

Her tone said enough. Nick’s eyes flickered. “A copy.” Nick guessed correctly and twisted his gaze away. He rolled back down onto the table. “What kind of person puts human memories into a machine, makes it think it’s human. Then throws him out to rot in a trash heap?!” Nick’s voice then lowered. “And it wasn’t just me, there must have been a thousand of bodies there. Someone made us, then discarded us. I’d like to know what kind of human being would do something like that?”

“That’s awful that someone would have thrown you away. To have done any of that.”

“Yeah.” He let the air clear for a minute. “Well I suppose we ought to get to it. I’d hate the towns folk to wonder what kind of mechanic we have down here. I get the feeling I’m worse off now than when I came in here.” He said as he eyed the plastic panels scattered around the room, and his metal frame exposed to the world. It caught her off guard and she weakly smiled. He was making an effort to bounce back. Hell that was a feat, all in itself. Better than her, or anyone she knew if they were in Nick’s position.

“You’re amazing. I just want you to know.”

“Yeah. Fancy, new tech. Yadda, yadda.”

“No.” She let the word sit. “I mean you Nick. I would have just given up.”

He lifted his head to look at her. He almost felt out of place. People seemed to -care for him here. For some reason that felt so foreign. Good, but foreign.

“Thank you.” He felt honest sincerity.

Another quarter hour passed as she moved from working on his panels, to stitching and gluing the plastic on his shoulder. Nick breathed slowly working his thoughts together. He couldn’t help but wonder at the show. Of his lungs partially exposed behind coils of copper showing that they weren’t lungs at all, but a pair of air sacks, fashioned out of pieces of flexible plastic. To wonder what kind of supercomputer ran under that chromedome of his. Most terminals couldn’t render anything faster than a few megabytes very well, and here his brain could have a subconscious partition? Hell, he could even see color. Or, well he was sure it was in color. Perception and memories muddled his knowledge of what was and wasn’t. Then he wondered if he had anything interesting, superhuman even, like thermovision.

“So, besides your leg, do you hurt anywhere else?”

“You mean besides everywhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Everywhere.” He nodded slightly.

She grew another smile. A genuine one this time around. “Anything in particular?”

“Well, I guess since you still have me wide open like a tuna can, and just I’ve been dealing with a lot of things lately. It feels like I’m grinding down my gears, At least, I’d imagine that’s what’s going on.”

“No, it doesn’t look like it. But uh, I could um grease up some of your parts, looks like there’s some oil that I could change out.” She reached over for an oil can.

“Heh, it sounds like you’re working on a car.”

“Don’t think of yourself any less. You’re an amazing machine. You’re certainly one of a kind.”

“Actually I’m not. There were others, poor bastards, left out in that landfill like I was. You know, thinking of it, I wonder if any others made it out of there.” His thoughts darted to the one that tried to talk to him. It took himself at least three tries to wake up, if not more. He wondered how many were cast aside to die there, who didn’t.

“You thinking about going back there?” The mechanic added a couple drips of oil before picking up a panel and lining it up on his stomach. It made an interesting pop as it sealed into place. “For any survivors?”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“Ok, here,” Felicia worked to push the last panel back into place. She then stepped back. “Okay, let’s get your back.”

Valentine nodded then twisted around on the table. It was even more clumsy than the first time around. When his towel left him, he looked at her with an edge of alarm. She didn’t say a word or hold any reaction. She lifted it, and waited to lay it over his backside. At this point, Nick felt horribly awkward, but not life ending. Now he rested up on his elbows while she started by cleaning and examining around his sensors high on his shoulders. As she dipped her cloth to the first one, she made an incredulous yowl.

“They’re all burnt!” She exclaimed. All the sensors down his neck and back were different than the ones on the front. And all of them had been charred. She swabbed the damage away, then lightly pushed his head down. He obeyed without a word. Looking closely she saw at the base of his skull were two input sensors. Those too had been blackened and charred. Her eyes widened at the discovery. ”What the?” Lifting the layers of plastic on the back of his head and popping a metal panel open, she found a blackened chip. Her finger rubbed at it. He didn’t yelp or hold any reaction. “Does that hurt?”

“I don’t feel anything.” He admitted.

She turned over to her tray of tools and grabbed a precision tweezer. She dislodged it, carefully at first. Nick continued to tap his fingers anxiously like nothing was happening. She bit her lip and gave a quick yank. It popped out, and as she expected, too damaged to do anything functional. Setting it down she went back to examining the base of his skull.

“Here, I’m going to pull your skull cap off again.” He turned his head, until her fingers directed it still. She reworked the soft plastic, then the panel, until she was looking at his computer once again. It still ticked wildly at normal fashion. She then followed it down until her eyes met the base of his skull. It dawned on her what she was seeing. “You’ve been shorted out once!”

“I what?”

“They tried to kill you! Oh this is unbelievable. No way! They didn’t just throw you away. They offlined you!”

“Off what? Wait? What are you saying?”

She paused to collect her thoughts. “Oh my God, Nick. You’re amazing. Hold on! Debora,” she announced.

“Yes,” a heavily electric whir responded. Felicia turned to the Medical bot that was walking out of the corner. It’s heavy footsteps and pressured hydraulics making a fuss of a clunking.

“Examine.” Felicia held out the chip. The robot took the chip carefully and placed it inside a compartment in it’s chest.

“Examining. Please wait.”

Felicia went back to examining Nick’s head. “Yeah, this whole area has been fried. You shouldn’t have any connections here at all. Ah this is incredible!”

“Examining finished. Manufacturer unknown. However. I detect familiarities. Base structure is similar to D. A. R. P. A. self destruct chips. Formulated for military use. In. Twenty. Six. Teen. Mass use by Twenty. Twenty. Five.”

“That’s all Debora. Back in the corner please.”

As it made its slow trajectory back into the corner it continued. “In addition. I have detected abnormal synthetic material.”

“Can you identify it?”

“Negative. No material matches, in my. Data, base.”

“So what? You’re telling me the chip malfunctioned?”

“Oh, no, no. The chip functioned just fine.”

“So what? I did?”

“You have a funny definition of a malfunction.” She preened. She then turned her back to Nick and jittered like an excited little kid. “Oh my God this is so exciting! You are the most amazing mechanical find in my life!” She straightened. “Ahem. Okay where was I? Right, your-” She caught sight of the slash marks down his back. She was so distracted by his sensors she had missed them. He still had a brow raised at her little hyper outburst. “Did you get attacked by a deathclaw too?” She yelped.

“A what?”

“A deathclaw! Huge lizard, has foot long daggers for claws.”

“Oh. Yeah. Two of them actually.”

She walked up to examine the claw marks. Superficial thankfully. “And you survived? You have an iron will Nick! Wow. If you weren’t a machine, I’d probably ask you to marry me.”

“I- uh. Um. Sorry doll. My heart’s still taken.”


	8. The soiree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who'd been dead for 200 years. Suffice to say it was a confusing couple of weeks. Folks didn't really know much about synths back then, so when I finally ran into people, they mostly treated me with caution rather than hostility. But the kids, they weren't afraid. I think his name was Jim. The first person to actually speak to me after I got the boot from the Institute. My first human contact in this world. Grilled me for an hour. Once they'd seen I wasn't going to hurt anyone, the other folks in the neighborhood came out to ogle the mechanical man. It eventually turned into a pretty swell soiree. Local mechanic even gave me a once over, free of charge. Those people, they treated me like a human being."
> 
> After wandering through the wastes where the world turned feral and humans nowhere to be found, Nick finds himself at his first settlement. What he surprisingly finds, is how kind they are and how excepting. He finds himself the center of attention, but in a good way. As a friend and not a machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, some happy time for Nick!

When he opened his eyes he noted the room had grown a shade warmer in color, indicating a tick later in the day. There was a loud mechanical hum buzzing in his ears which he hoped wasn’t coming from him. He found a large, heavy wool blanket laid across him. He realized he had been unconscious. Although he wasn’t sure if he could claim that as sleep. He saw his clothes were folded up in a neat stack next to his head. The protectron stood, the noise machine whirring, waiting for Nick. 

“Greetings.” It said to him as he sat up. “Fa. Le. Shia. Wanted.” With the maroon towel clasped around his waist, Nick jumped off the bench. He doubled over on his leg when he expected as an afterthought that it would sting like the dickens. He realized no so such pain had happened. The protectron continued its slow stumble over it’s synthesized words. “To let you know. The repairs. Are finished.” His leg was in one piece. The armature had been straightened and the plastic case duck-taped to hold everything together. He tested his leg, placing various amounts of pressure on it. It all came back the same. Worked great, patched up swell. 

“Uh. Thanks.” He muttered to the machine. Grabbed his clothes, and looked for a private place to put them on.

Nick walked out of the shed now feeling better than ever. Most of his exhaustion had left him, his body was free of any pains and his leg supported his weight without any hassle. As he walked out, he could see the homestead folks still busy working in the fields. As he rounded the corner of a large shed he stopped when he saw another mutilated animal. This time it was a cow. 

“Oh, hey!” A farmer on the other side called out to him. Nick stiffened.

“Is it dangerous?”

The farmer first tilted his head with a baffled look. Then a wide smile spread on his face when he realized Nick was referring to the brahmin.

“Who? Bossy here? Nah, she’s completely harmless.” Even so, Nick went out of his way to avoid the beast. “Here, look.” The farmer reached up and the brahmin started to gravitate towards him. Just as Nick stepped up to him, the farmer scratched the center between two halfs of the split head. It twisted its head, the dominate one orientating his fingers to scratch at the dried skin at the base of its horns. 

“Huh.” Nick reached out cautiously to touch the beast. It’s big dopey eyes and pink puffed out nose did seemingly look harmless he supposed. As he reached up to pet its muzzle a ten inch long tongue lapped and sucked his hand into it’s mouth.  
“Arrggg!” Nick growled in disgust as he pulled back to reveal fingers all coated in slobber and snot. “Uhgg! That’s, that’s disgusting!” Nick moved to figure out how to get rid of the slime. For a half second contemplated wiping it on his new clothes, then tried to whip the offending slobber off of his hands. The farmer tried very hard not to burst into laughter.

“Come’on. Let’s go.” The farmer pushed at the stubborn cow away from trying to suck in Nick’s clothes. He now looked rather disgusted with the creature rather than cautious. It turned it’s head and licked the farmer’s sleeve in its expectation of food. “Come here Boss. The farmer walked over to a bucket on the other side of the fence. It trotted up behind him, flicking it’s tail back and forth swatting at nonexistent flies flinging mud and fecal matter into the air. Nick’s nose twisted in disgust. The man poured the remaining kernels into the Brahmin’s trough before turning back. “I take it you never worked on a farm before?” He asked giving Nick an amused smirk. Nick was back to trying to figure out his hand. The slime refused to relent from his fingers.

“That obvious huh?”

“Little bit. Wanna tour?”

Before Nick could answer, a familiar voice yelled out from the other side of the cow pen. 

“Nick!” Jim leapt over a gate and raced towards Nick’s direction. Kid had good perception. It of course helped that his white skin stood out like a beacon. The kid stopped short, panting and shaking excitedly. “Common! I got something to show ya!” 

“Guess you found you a tour guide.” The farmer nodded to the two of them before grabbing his pail and walking back towards the barn. 

“Hi Joe!” Jim barely even looked at the farmer, then he leapt up and grabbed Nick by the sleeve. “Common Nick! Let’s go!” The kid was bouncing with impatience. 

“Alright, alright.” Nick mumbled and tripped after the kid as they walked the long way through the Brahmin’s pasturing range. Nick was careful to watch his step for any unwelcomed pies on the ground. Or any unwelcoming cattle wagging their tongues at him for that matter. 

-

Jim made one hell of a tour guide. He made the six house stretch last for what seemed like hours. Jim pointed out every building, every person who lived there and any goofy habits they had. Followed by introductions of everyone he could find. He then went off naming every piece of mechanical creation Felicia constructed. Nick was surprised to see so many turrets. Come to think of it, he hadn’t noticed them when he first walked up to the settlement, hadn’t known what they were. And he was sure glad he somehow didn’t trip any of them off. Dealing with the armed settlers gave him a much better conclusion, and he was damn appreciative of the whole thing. Even when Jim started listing off details of what kids these days found interesting in this little neck of the woods.

“You uh, you’re not going to show me any dead bodies are are you?” Nick spoke with some sarcasm after listening to Jim prattle on about all the other ‘cool’ things in the area.

“I could. There’s a dead raider out over by the back forty bluff. It’s kinda old though. It’s not cool to look at anymore. Plus it stinks. Still want to?”

“No, I’d rather not.” Nick muttered with hands in his pockets. “Say what is a raider anyway?”

“You don’t know?” The kid stopped in his tracks. He turned to face Nick. “They’re bad people. They don’t work hard like we do, instead they rob people.” He saw Nick furrow his brows. “You’re lucky. They would have probably killed you. Or turned you into a slave or something. I hear they do that with kids. Probably robots too.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So do you know what a Super Mutant is?”

“Can’t say that I do.”

“Well, what I heard, they’re these giant green monsters. And they eat people!” He then went on to update Nick in all the stories he could recount about what he heard of the mysterious super green humanoids that would strike fear in the folks of the Commonwealth. After he was spent on those stories, he went on to talk about the raider groups that plagued the nearby settlements, including his own. Before he knew it, everyone seemed to call on Jim to get cleaned up for dinner. It took several promptings before the kid would finally listen. Then for the moment Nick was left on his own again. This time his brain was swimming in the new horrors he somehow had the amazing fortune to miss. He realized just how damn glad he was that he stumbled on a settlement like this one and not a raider camp. Or supermutants. They just sounded like a straight up nightmare. 

It was about that time that Margie came out looking for him. 

“There you are!” She smiled so sweetly. So sweetly he wasn’t sure how to respond at first.

“Oh. Uh, what can I, uh do for you?”

“I was wondering what kind of side dish you wanted with your steak?”

“Whoa. Side dish?” 

“Yes. For dinner tonight.”

“I?” Nick’s jaw dropped. “Come to think of it, I don’t know if I can. Eat, that is.”

“Well, you smoke, you sleep. I imagine it would only be natural.”

“Well, I suppose that could be possible.” He crumpled his brow. “I did nod off for a bit, didn’t I?” More of a statement to himself than a question.

“I’ll just make a little of everything then.” She turned satisfied with answering her own question.

“Now wait! Hold on.” He trotted up behind her. She turned her head to him but didn’t slow her steps. “That’s not necessary. I’m fairly certain I can manage without. Look. I don’t want you to have to be bothered on my account.”

“It’s no bother.”

“Well, that said, I still think-”

“Nick, listen.” She spun around to face him. “No one here could possibly know what you’re going through right now. But we know how hard it is out here. Sometimes, the only way we survive, is by being there for eachother.” Her hand took his and she gave a little squeeze. “You need this just as much as any one of us.” He looked at her, reeling. A deep raw feeling grew in his chest. What she said struck him directly in the soul. Presuming he had one. 

She then gave him a smile, before walking up to an outdoor eating area that was already well populated. Nick still stood there stupefied.

“Are you making Mutfruit berry pie!” Jim ran up behind her, into the area under a large skeleton tree, where the place was set up with picnic tables and grills. Everything was either already set up or busy bodies were working to finish up the last bits and pieces. Various side dishes were being laid out while chats of the weather, the arrival of the new guest, or recipe inquiries filled the air. Others were bringing supplies to the eating area. Jim was busy hunting down for any various goodies. “Oh you did!” He yelped in excitement when he found the pies in question. The adults quickly shooed him away. Nick slowly approached, trying to stay out of their way.

“About time you showed your face!” Felicia snuck up from behind. She pulled his hand, opening it and placing an object into his palm. “Present for ya.”

His hand opened to see a piece of bone that was shaped like a thorn.

“What is it?”

“It’s a chunk of antler,” she smirked. “My guess is, you tussled with a Ragstag? I mean why not? You survived certain death, faced the mighty Deathclaw. A Ragstag, probably not a big deal.” She teased. 

“Oh I don’t know. Those things get really nasty during the rut. Mean bastards I tell ya,” a settler quipped as he was setting out plates over the picnic table overhearing their conversation. 

“Yeah, it was jammed up into one of your sensors. Luckily nothing was badly damaged.”

“Oh.” Nick was relieved, then beside himself. He nodded his chin to the reception. “So what’s with the meal preparations?” 

“Well, before you fell asleep, or went into shutdown, or standby- whatever, we were talking about dinners we used to eat. You seemed, pretty fond of them. Anyway, Margie wanted to do something for you to make you feel welcome. I mentioned this, so here we are.” She hummed and smiled. Nick didn’t know what to say, how to feel. For a moment he almost looked, ashamed. It didn’t last long, as she grabbed for his arm and hoisted him along to the table full of delectables. “Here, we’ll go over some of the foods, so you don’t freak out or anything. Some of it’s probably pretty strange if, if you haven’t eaten anything since well- over a hundred years. I tried to keep things, familiar.”

“So what exactly did we all talk about?” Nick’s voice dipped suspiciously as he was being dragged along. He knew he fell into a disadvantage when she was busy stitching up his back. The last thing he remembered before falling into, presumably, standby mode was a flashback of Jenny. That girl could give the most amazing back massages in Nick’s day and when Felicia was busy pushing at some of his sensors on his back, it may have left him more open than he liked. He remembered being caught up in between memories again, talking to Jenny. And if Felicia had the wherewithal to pry for more intimate details, he wasn’t sure what kind of mindset he was in to stop her. “What did you tell them?” He asked dryly, referring to the settlers while he was out. Felicia laughed with tight lips.

“You mean how you talk in your sleep?” She was teasing, and he was sure he had said something to her he should be regretting. Before he could get answers though she skipped off, leaving him to ponder. 

Then he was preoccupied with the pre-dinner chats. Several farmers and workers moseyed in as they waited for the meal prep to finish and the Brahmin steaks to sear. Nick’s table was full. And it was more than just seats taken, a well to do crowd stood around him. At first, he was filled with unease, until the first questions they wanted to know wasn’t about who made you, what are you, robot this or robot that. It was things like how he liked at the farm. What crops seemed to be the closest to what he remembered. If he took a liking to their pet brahmin because she certainly seemed to take a liking to him. They prodded him further when they detected a hint of embarrassment. Then he countered proving that his jesting skills could best any of theirs. He had a sense of humor and they seemed to lap it up. And for the first time, Nick could finally cast aside any inward feelings of alienation and estrangement.

That is until a large plate of steak landed in front of him. It’s side dish, red looking mash that he’d been told probably tasted like potatoes, was coated in deep brown gravy. Freshly baked dinner rolls, carrots although abet larger than he remembered them, and corn all in serving dishes surrounding his plate. 

And God it smelled delicious. His arms folded in front of him with one hand propped up and pressed over his lips. He contemplated his predicament. Nick, the one he had thought he was, loved to eat. It was joked in the past that he was a never ending barrel. Not Jenny, their families, nor anybody from the precinct could know where all that food went as Nick happily chewed away. And now he had a real problem on his hands. He had no idea where this food went, if he so chose to eat it. And damn them, it was tempting. 

“Oh boy.” Nick scratched at his brow. 

“What? Doesn’t look good?”

“Oh no. That’s not the problem." Nick answered quickly. "Not the problem at all. Hmph. This looks delicious.” His fingers nervously tapped the silverware laying on the table, full of temptation. If this was set up just for him, of all cockamanie ideas, it was certainly rude of him to not partake. He rifled his mind through everything he knew about his body so far. He could smell, taste and swallow. He wasn’t sure if that meant he could eat though. But all of those things combined, maybe it meant there was a chance. 

“Well, I guess we’re about to find out find if this is a bad idea or not!” He plucked the fork and knife up, and sawed in. When a neatly cubed chunk was cut and stabbed with the fork, he plopped it in his mouth. It melted into his tastebuds as he chewed. He sighed with a purr as he felt like he was in heaven. When he swallowed he heard the crowd hurray for his ridiculous victory, marking another notch on their belt for embarrassing the ole bot. Then they all settled down to eat. 

Stories were regaled. The festivities went on even after the sun went down. Nick found himself with a young child in his lap. Jim’s little sister, Sarah. Named after her mom and a whopping four years old counted on her finger tips. 

“Four?” Nick gasped. “You keep growing like that, you’ll be as old as I am! Wait.” A really strange thought flashed into his mind. “Well. Maybe you already are.” 

The crowd around him understood the joke. Smiles erupted which were infectious. With his spirits high in the feeling of acceptance, he coddled her like she was his own, without the guilt of his own lineage lost. He relished the soft giggles all the way to the screams of giddy laughter he could emote from her by teasing or with with tickles. Jim was by his side, vying for his attention as well. Nick was happy to give it. 

“Hey,” Nick twisted his head at a thought. He looked over the crowd and noticed several couples. Yet only two kids. And with humanity’s thin stroke on the earth, he couldn’t help wonder why there wasn’t a push for larger families. “I just notice, there doesn’t seem to be too many kids here.” He had a curious question, but he immediately recognized that was a serious topic that dashed the light hearted conversations to silence. As soon as he said it, he wished he could take it back. And Jim was all too happy to take that moment of silence on by himself. 

“Oh I know why!” He lunged forward, happy to be the expert on the situation. “It’s the radiation!” He could have ended it there. But he didn’t. Several details in Jim’s father snapped at the boy for silence. Telling him how answers like that were not appropriate for good company.

“I’m sorry.” Nick had his eyes down. “I didn't know.”

“Of course you didn’t!” Marge charged in, trying to damper the sour mood. “How could you?”

“I tell you what though." Abby hissed. "It really pisses me off when all those girls who can, sell their babies. I mean, all these good families wanting kids, and it’s those scumbag raiders or slavers who get them.”

“You’re joking!” Nick snapped. He shook his head in disbelief. “I have to tell ya, I count myself so incredibly lucky it’s you folks I ran into. This is,” he decided he needed to rework his sentence. “I’ll never forget this.”

“Well, you can’t consider yourself lucky until you tried one of Lucy’s pies.” Walter said as he plopped a nice sized piece in front of him. Nick regained his lighthearted smile. He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have another funny story to regale that I added a slight bit into this chapter. This actually comes from the first Fallout game I ever played, which is 3. (It's still probably my favorite. Sorry 4, there's just so many things that were fantastic in 3 that were omitted.) Anyway funny story. In three, my character was the most evil sociopathic asshole in the Wastes. No joke. His evil Karma was so maxed I'm thinking of writing him as a round the bout villain on my next fan fic. {{which will primarily involve Danse and Nick (as I see that relationship isn't expanded much on Archive..especially one that doesn't devolve into each other making out or sleeping with each other by the end. Isn't Fan Fic GRAND? HAhaha. Not gonna lie, it's entertaining as hell sometimes..just very WTF in almost ALL cases. Although IMO it has the potential to completely and utterly ruin an otherwise great story. So if you expect companion on companion action here, you will be disappointed :/ )}} 
> 
> ANYWAY! THE STORY! As he was clearing out a raider den - with his maxed out sneak and sandman perk, he came across a raider couple sleeping in bed. Man and woman. Super nice looking bed too, I think there were red sheets on it and everything. He took their stuff first, WHICH featured: 2 packets of RadX and a pack of Rad away. No Jet, no buffout, no drugs that most Raiders can't spend 15 minutes without. As he hovered over them with a knife in hand.. I was like "AWW shit! They're trying for a baby! This is like the equivalent to vitamins and fertility drugs!" And then promptly killed them. The end. 
> 
> But that did stick in my head. Kids seem to be very rare to come by which makes sense. In a world where everything is mutilated as all hell, and with viruses that completely turn creatures sterile, sometimes to the point that their organs shrivel up and DIE, reproduction has to be heavily affected by the radiation. True kids were more common in 3, but there were also slavers who took a particular interest in kids so they were probably from all over the area. Wiki even states as much. Not to mention the well known existence of little lamplight which would have been a very attractive drop off point to leave unwanted babies, if at least one parent wasn't cold hearted enough to let it die. So that's my tidbit that I gleaned from the games and added to the story.
> 
> Also, I didn't know what to name my mechanic..and so when I wrote in the line 'our own Miss Fix it'.. I realized right then and there I watch too many Disney animated movies, and went with the closest female name to Felix I could find. :) Followed by watching Wreck it Ralph AGAIN. 
> 
> Cheers!


	9. On the Homestead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick now begins his life in the Commonwealth. No longer in the mode of just survival, he has friends and safety. Now it's just a matter of trying to find his place in the brave new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey first I want to give a shout out to Ash_Falkner! Having their help proofreading this has been HUGE help!

By the end of it, Nick was certain he ate too much, excluding the possibility that anything could have been too much. But he was happy. He was accepted. And now, it was getting late. Many folks turned in for the night. Nick stuck around to help with cleanup. Chat was more sparse, as the excitement had turned into exhaustion. Souls were tired but happy. Nick received firm handshakes from the likes of Walter and Dave. A friendly grasp on his shoulder from Jim’s father Jason, and Margie pulled him into a grand hug. He couldn’t feel it like a human but he lapped it up regardless, never wanting to let go. They offered him up accommodations for the night. Someone gave up their bed to do so despite Nick’s protests. Nick was learning that he wasn’t about to win any of these battles any time soon. They were doing their damnedest to make him feel like a person, and that included all the same hospitality rights as one. Now he laid on a mattress filled with straw as he looked up at the stars through the holes in the roof. One arm crooked up, his head supported by his hand. His other draped across his stomach. Jim was nestled on a mat next to him. The kid wouldn’t have it any other way. All around him he could hear the soft breathing and snores that filled the room.

  
For the first time since he woke up, he felt content. Accepted. And damn himself, couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve any of it. He pulled himself out of the crowded room and crept outside the house. He needed some air, and he needed a cigarette. As he searched his own pockets, he saw a pack extend out to him. __   
  
“You’re up awfully late.” He acknowledged as he pulled one from it’s box.   
  
“I normally am.” It was the mechanic who replied. “How about you? Not going to power down for the night?”   
  
“Power down? Heh, hope you’re not picturing me snoozing off in some closet somewhere.”   
  


She looked amused with the idea. If there were any closets to be had.   
  


“Nah, just couldn’t sleep. Figured some air would do me good.” Tonight it was stiff and cool. He just wished he could feel it.   
  
“Yeah.” She looked thoughtful. “They mean well, but they can be a little overbearing sometimes.”   
  
Nick laughed. “Heh. Well, I suppose it’s better than wandering the wasteland by yourself. Isolated from everybody.”   
  
Felicia hummed. “That’s true. I think I speak for all of us when I say you’re always welcome here.”   
  
“Yeah, that means a lot to me. It truly does.”   
  
“Then why do I get the feeling you wouldn’t like it here?” She rolled in, resting her head onto her fists. She said it in an exasperated sigh, seemingly more to herself than him that he looked at her in shock.   
  
“Why would you say that?”   
  
“I don’t know. Just a feeling I guess. An educated gentleman like yourself, showing up in hick country at a place like this?”   
  
Nick had a look on his face. He was upset by her musing. But as he thought of it, maybe she read something about him that he had yet to realize.    
  
“Well, so I never set foot on a farm before today, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got a black thumb, if memory serves me correctly. But I could learn.” Hell, he figured he could do alright here, with some minor doubts. Well, maybe they weren’t so minor. He had to admit. Old Nick couldn’t keep a plant alive if his life depended on it. Maybe new Nick was different.    
“How hard could it be? Hell, maybe I could learn to be a mechanic, like you. It would be good for me to know that kind of stuff anyway.”    
  
“And put me out of a job?” She teased sarcastically.   
  
“Oh now,” Nick smiled, “you stitched me up pretty well. I have to repay you somehow. Seeings as I don’t have any, what was it you have for currency now? Bottle caps?” Damnedest thing if he ever heard it. “To pay you in.”   
  
“You don’t owe me anything, Nick.”   
  
“No. I owe you everything. You took me at my worst. Still, you put ole’ Nick back together again.”   
  
“Your worst?” She gave him a cheesy laugh. “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen Walter pissed!”

 

Nick snorted, trying to imagine it. Her mouth pressed into a tight but pleased smile. “You’re welcome.”

 

“Yeah. Thanks.” He rolled the cigarette between his fingers, feeling humbled. He then frowned, thinking inwardly. He pulled out as soon as he heard her laughing.    
  
She was thinking of something. It caused her to giggle so much she had to put a hand up to catch herself. “You know, whenever Walter did get extremely angry, it was always that stupid brahmin.” She looked at him again letting him know which one she was referring to. “You know, the one that likes you so much.” In case he didn’t.   
  
His lip tightened, and he looked away. Although underlining the tight look, he was actually pretty amused. “I’m never going to live that one down, am I.”  
  
She laughed out louder. “I wish I was there to see it! Joe said you looked pretty horrified.” She gave him a Cheshire smile half expecting him to blush. He looked amused, but not embarrassed. “Said you ran off with the kid in a heartbeat just to get away.” She watched as Nick took another drag on his cigarette.  His face held a slight smile as he thought of it. “You know, Jim really likes you.” She offered once the air calmed.   
  
“He’s a good kid. Shame he has to grow up in a world like this.”  
  
“Yeah. It’s tough, but we make do. Though, it must be one hell of a thing to wake up to.”   
  
Nick scoffed that the understatement. “Yeah,” he concluded. “Yeah.” He drifted off into silence, letting that fact resignate. And to know that he hadn’t even brushed the surface of it all.  
  
She watched as he put out his cigarette. She misinterpreted it as a closing, as it was pretty late and he had gone very quiet.    
  
“I better call it in for the night.” Felicia said while wrenching her arms above her, arching her back in a stretch. “See you tomorrow?”  
  
“Wouldn't miss it for the world _.”_   
__  
  
The next morning most had stirred before the sun even peeked over the horizon. Nick was glad for it, as he was growing bored out of his mind laying there in the dark. His thoughts of contentment had long since drifted away. He was glad he was no longer living day by day wondering if he was the last sentient thing on the planet, but the unknown future had started creeping into his thoughts. As Nick walked outside he noticed the cement column Felicia had been sitting on. Something she said struck him. He just didn’t realize it until he had time to think on it. What she asked, in a roundabout way was, would he really feel like he belonged here? As she put it: an educated gentleman like himself. All of human Nick’s life had been in the pursuit of one goal. He had aspirations to be a much loved cop like his father, Ralph. His father died a hero in the line of duty when Nick was the ripe old age of fifteen. Before that, he clashed with his father on nearly everything. Nick was a thinker and a poet, his father was a hard working beat cop. The two didn’t always see to see eye to eye. That changed however. His whole world did when his father passed when a gunshot pierced his spine and caused a whole lot of internal damage. Seeing him there as he took his last breaths, Nick realized just how damned close he had been to the old man. Since that day Nick was no longer the dreamer. Nick now had a laser pointer focus to being a cop like his father. He knew his grandfather was a drunk and an abusive man. Ralph was an amazing man who against all odds strived to help the world instead of hurt it. He was... his hero. After he was gone, Nick did everything in his power to honor that hero. While his other schoolmates were busy settling down with their high school sweethearts and starting their families, Nick was obsessed with making it right by his old man. Straight out of highschool he went to academy and made top of his class for Law Enforcement. From there, he started off as a beat cop for one of Chicago’s grittier neighborhoods. It was there his superiors saw he had a knack for seeing the unseen. His transition from police officer to detective was probably one of the fastest in the precinct. Nick wouldn’t take the credit for any of that though. While he and his father typically butted heads on many things, Nick’s most prized possession came from a collection of poems given to him by his father after one hell of a fight. Inside in almost illegible scribbling his father wrote, ‘ _To the smartest man I know, I know I always push you hard. I know it sometimes feels like I do it too much. But I want you to know I do it because I know what you’re capable of. You always amaze me when you blow my expectations out of the water. I guess sometimes I get a little carried away. I’m spoiled Nick. Sometimes I let it get to my head. Anyway, I love you. You do whatever the hell you want to. Your hero (I hope) Ralph Valentine.’_  
  
That little scribble was the closest thing he had from his father. He knew that between the lines, Ralph saw how Nick could pick himself up, to be better than the man before him. He was going to do it too. He would be the best damned cop he could be. Putting away dangerous mob bosses, cutting the heads off the snakes his father could only wish he could have. That had been his everything. That was how he was going to honor the man.  
  
Mechanical Nick looked at the sandy decayed world around him, thinking through the crazy shit he had seen, only guessing at the crazier shit he hadn’t yet to see. Now, Nick didn’t even know where to start. Everything that had been built for him seemed to pale in comparison to the skills he needed now. What good was a poet going to do out here? What good was a cop? Nick closed his eyes and tried to focus.  
  
Today, he’d try his best to help out with the ritualistic chores around the farmstead. It was a start. And he had to start somewhere. Unfortunately, what he came to find was that he hated almost every single one of them. Trying to pluck the gnarled weeds out of the rock hard dirt caused his metal fingers to lock up. Scraping at the dirt to loosen it up made it worse. He wasn’t even finished with tiling around the first plant before his fingers refused to budge and his rubbery skin started to rattle over his bones. Feeding the Brahmin was a nightmare. Boss followed him everywhere. What little grass that damn beast did manage to find, she promptly transferred onto his clothes in a form of slimy green paste. Frustrated and looking for a distraction, Nick tried to retreat into the mechanic’s shop, only to find she was nowhere in sight. He found out from Walter that she had some work she was doing at a neighboring farm. _  
_ _  
_He found some relief in helping make the afternoon meals, but he took no part in eating any of it. Something had not settled right from his previous meal, and he was sure not having a stomach largely accounted for that. He was now pressed with the fact that he had pushed an unknown body to its limits and feared what the consequences could be. He cursed under his breath knowing Felicia wouldn't be back until around later. The agony of not knowing when made him go out of his mind.  
  
And when she was back, he nearly pounced on her. His body had started making strange noises compounded by strange sensations he couldn’t even begin to describe. He couldn’t lie, he was damn near panicking. God did he hate having to bother her again. Before she even stepped off the gravel road he was on her like a cantankerous whelp. In a low tone, he told her his dilemma in a roundabout fashion. At first it was clear she thought nothing of it.  
  
“Yeah, isn’t there a release valve?” She asked him absentmindedly. He had skirted around the problem and she missed his point entirely.  
  
“A release valve?” He murmured back. “You uh, mind telling me where at?”    
  
It was then she caught on. “Oh, you never-? Oh,” she buckled. “I um, I don’t know, I didn’t look at it that closely. I guess.”   
  
“Don’t know?” He sputtered. “But. Then? Oh, damn.” He turned away, catching his hand on his hip. If he could have looked pale and ready to faint, this would have been the look.    
  
“Okay?” She started, then felt amazingly awkward. “Um.” She motioned downwards. Her thoughts took a hold of her and her eyes drifted to the zipper of his pants. Then her eyes flipped back to his face. His expression was more than confused, it turned to alarm when she couldn’t help but blush a very vibrant red. “There’s a zipper. On you. I didn’t look to see what was in there.”   
  
“A, a zipper? Oh.” He stammered. Her blush made him very bashful and he started to step away from her. “I’ll uh, I’ll figure this out for myself then.” He then turned on his heel, looking around, hoping to hell no one else was listening or watching.   
  
“Let me know if you need any help!” She called out after him, Then giggled when he stumbled after he gave her a pretty horrified look.   
  
“I’m sure, oof, sure that won’t be necessary!” And then to himself, muttered, “God at least I hope not.”  
  
He had spent an awkwardly long time in the latrine trying to work out his waste systems. When he couldn’t, found himself at the doorstep of the Mechanic’s shop yet again, feeling humiliated.   
  
She answered the door and simply uttered, “oh.” She stepped aside to let him in.  
  
“This - __never \- leaves this room.”   
  



	10. Future meet Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick has had a pretty shaky start. He had hoped finding a settlement would remedy his problems, but this world is so new and unusual to him, he can't help but make mistakes to learn the hard way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, HUGE thanks to Ash_Falkner. We are having a surprisingly hot Spring season (yesterday had crazy mid to end summer like weather ) so work has been super busy as well as spring cleanup around the house... It makes sitting down and reading through this rather difficult so having someone reading over my should helps a lot. Speaking of proofreading, I feel I need to go back to my earlier chapters and clean up some of the grammar I purposely neglected. In due time I suppose. 
> 
> Anyway, SOO Far Harbor's release date has finally been released!!! Unfortunately, it comes out a day before my roadtrip vacation so I won't even have a chance to play it :(. The good news I suppose is that the first 16 hours will be straight driving with plenty of time to sit down and write. Hopefully I can catch up on chapters again so the span between updates will shorten..Until then, there may not be an update until end of May early June. Maybe even longer depending on how much time I put into the new DLC. Either way, I am SUPER excited to see what it all entails. Sounds like Nick has more dialog so WHOOT, I'm hoping for more of his backstory too...Who knows maybe it'll totally mess up what I have written so far (hopefully not). Anyway, yeah, Hope I am still on the right track with Nick's pre story. This beginning shit is drawing out way longer than I wanted it to..I'm just glad I can finally start jumping into more of the story aspects I wanted.

There was no way he was going to come out of this with any form of dignity intact. His jaw tightened as he crossed the threshold of the door.

“Well. Um, take a seat.” 

Nick stared at the metal stool in silence. Forcing any resolve aside, he walked up to it and started undoing his belt buckle.

“Wow, whoa. Hey! You’re not even going to take me to supper first?” She called out to him with a wide grin on her face. Nick, with his back to her, reeled with an exasperated sigh.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “Do you really need to make this harder than it already is?!”

“I- um. Just- sit.”  
It effectively wiped the smug look on her face. Felicia grabbed her own stool and set it down in front of his. He reluctantly sat as well. Sheepishly dragging her eyes up she re-examined the halogen eyes and the white plastic coating that made up his face.  
“Sorry. I forget that you’re new to- this... body. I really shouldn’t make light of it.“ She paused again.“I’m sorry.”  
She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t say anything.  
“Yeah. Uncomfortable. So, let’s try and not make this as bad as last time. Okay, so just- tell me what you want me to do.”

Nick sighed.  
“I just want to get this over and done with.”

“Look, I know- men can be,” she started, but Nick’s gaze shot up at her, causing her sentence to be cut short. She knew she was about to call him out on something sore.  
“I know they can be pretty protective of their- um, personhood.” She hit a nail right on its head. His jaw tightened, and he swallowed before turning his gaze away.

“Personhood,” he repeated, surmising that this stretched far more than the anatomy of a particular gender.  
“Yeah.”

“I just- I want you to know- it doesn’t matter. It-”

“It does matter.” Nick’s eyes snapped back.  
“I just need to face the facts. I’m just a machine. I never was human! What matters now is I need to understand how this body works, or it’ll be a shitshow down the line if I don’t. Just- let’s just get this over with.” In one quick motion, he slipped off the chair. In another swift motion the belt slipped from his pant loops.

-

Of course feeling like an idiot for something he couldn’t figure out in forty five minutes, she managed to figure it in three. It didn’t help that he could barely move his fingers. He’d like to blame it on that. He’d like to - but couldn’t. Not if he was going to be honest with himself. At least she had the wherewithal to turn her focus to something else as quickly as she could. He was damn glad for the distraction.

“What happened to your hands!?” She squawked and stood up, pushing the waste bucket aside. She grabbed them and started rolling them to examine all angles of his fingers. Even through the rubber coating she could see how the knuckles buckled underneath. Her brow furrowed as she examined them.  
“How did they get so jammed up?” 

“Pulling weeds.” He sighed. When she rolled his palms up she could see the telltale green stains between his finger and thumb as well as the back sides of his pinkies.  
“I just can’t believe my hands would break down from doing something so... mundane.” 

“They’re not broken. It’s just... you have to have really strong hands to work that dirt. It looks like you were exerting too much force.” 

After studying them for a minute, she disconnected the seam up his mid arm. In a slow, careful motion, she pulled the skin down and off his hand like peeling off a glove. Nick’s eyes stared as it revealed all his metal bones underneath. His robotic skeleton. At first he rolled his fingers, watching how all the little parts worked in conjunction.

“Well. That’s just disconcerting.” He uttered and twisted his head away. This hit him hard. Harder than before when all his pieces were lying around the room. Right now there had been too much of himself revealed too fast. Seeing his metal bones was just icing on the cake. He just wished he could accept the facts and move on already. Nick Valentine, was a robot. 

She was too preoccupied to notice his inward glower. She took her hand and rubbed them across the smooth metal.  
“They’re just dislodged a little. Does it hurt?”

“Well, it’s uncomfortable. Stings a little, sure.” She grabbed the tip of his finger and pulled the knuckle out of its jam. It stung just a bit more than a little. His voice then broke into frustration.  
“If I can’t pick a few twigs out of the ground, what the hell am I good for?”  
He was certain ‘Lover’ was off the list.

“Well, maybe farming isn’t your forte.”  
She continued rolling her hands over his bare metal skeleton, clicking the joints back into place. He looked down, trying to think of ways to avoid being a useless lump on a log. She continued, “I’m sure we can find something for you to do. You know, there’s a caravan coming up sometime this week. Maybe they could use another hired hand.”  
He looked up.

“You-”

“Wouldn’t want you to go, of course.” She interrupted without looking up at him. “But, you would have more opportunities with them there than here. Farming isn’t for everyone. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Felicia sighed. “Not gonna lie, it’s been good for me here. There aren’t any mechanics in the area so my field of expertise is in strong demand. But... I never get the chance to talk to anyone about these things. The farmers don’t really get my line of work, sometimes they just look at me and think ‘there goes that crazy girl again! Her and her robots.’ Although, having you around has been nice. You’re... just so different than what I’ve seen before. So naturally, I’d be glad if you stayed, but. You have to do what works best for you.”

Nick nodded in thought. He wasn’t sure what to think of the thought of being another one of her mechanical devices set up on a shelf around town.

But he knew his emotions were muddling his thinking. He still had it good here despite his current chagrin. She had been patient and kind, going out of her way to help him; they all have. He was the one with a problem here. They were doing their damnedest to properly deal with a robot programmed to think it was human. Facts were facts, though: he isn’t and never was one. Nick had to come to terms with that.

-

When he stepped out of her shop, he felt it couldn’t have been soon enough. He was in need of a good distraction and hoped he could find one before night came along. Staring up at the ceiling with nothing more than self loathing thoughts was the last thing he needed at this point. He wished he could just shut them off. Everything was so perfect the night before and if it wasn’t for them, maybe he could have avoided this sour mood all together. Nick found he might have caught a lucky break. News was that the caravan could be seen traveling up the road. Their timing couldn’t be more impeccable. 

As most folks had returned to their homes to pull goods off their shelves, Dave offered Nick to tag along as the welcoming committee. The first brahmin cart was already hunkered down before Nick and Dave walked up. A small fire pit just outside the outskirts of town looked like a permanent fixture just for this occasion. They didn’t see the brahmin’s handler however. As they stood there wondering, Nick turned his head just in time to see a withered looking humanoid round past the cart. He buckled into panic.

“There- Zombie!” Nick cried in alarm. He grabbed for Dave, ready to bolt.

“Oh, shit.” Dave hissed trying to pry himself free from Nick’s grasp. He winced at the reaction he was expecting to come next.

“What did you call me!?” The ghoul looked up at him and spat out her words like venom. Nick turned and looked at her, even more horrified now that he wasn’t facing a mindless zombie.

“Whu-”

“I’m pretty sure I heard you right! But why don’t you call that to my face, you piece of shit!” 

Nick’s grip on Dave’s shirt lifted. Nick turned towards her, but Dave stepped in between them.

“Rita, please! I’m sure this was just a misunderstanding. Calm down.” Dave tried to interject.

“Back off, Dave! If some smart-mouthed asshole can’t watch his words, then,” her eyes locked onto Nick’s, “you should have put him on a tighter leash!”

“I’m sorry,” Nick stiffened. “I meant no offense. I- I think we got off on the wrong foot is all.”

“Wrong foot, my ass!” She stormed towards him. “I come to your house, I go through all that hell when no other caravan would. Into Yao Guai and Deathclaw territory, and this is how you treat me!”

“Rita wait, please.” Dave pleaded.

“I will cut you off! You will never see another caravan here for the rest of your lives if I say so! Let’s see how long you survive then! I hope your little joke was worth it!” She turned to leave.

“Ma’am!” Nick barked. “Any grievances, you take up with me.” His voice then raised, “not these people! I was the one who offended you, then you address this issue with me and me alone!”

“Go. To. Hell!” She turned on her heel and stormed away.

“Fuck!” Dave exclaimed trying to figure how to fix the situation. Struggling with the how, he turned tail to collect someone who could, leaving Nick alone to drown in shock and confusion.

“No, no, no!” Nick muttered to himself in rage at his own mistake. He spat under his breath,“this can’t be happening.”  
The folks here had done nothing but help him, and his bumbling mistake would be the one that cost them their livelihoods! Nick tore off behind her.  
“Wait!”  
She didn’t respond to him.  
“For the love of God, wait!”  
He grabbed her arm and forced her to face him. As he did her gaze turned to fury, laying a glare deadly enough he was sure she was going to shoot him right then and there.  
“Please listen to me! You can’t do anything to hurt these people! Any mishap on my part was completely unintentional, but mine alone! These people, they’re good people. The last thing they need is something like this!”  
When he was certain she wasn’t taking an interest in listening to him he yelled at her.  
“Look at me! Look! Do you see what I look like? I’d be throwing rocks at my own glass house. Do I really look like the sort who could get away with calling someone out based on appearances?!”

First her eyes narrowed down at him. The crumpling of her brow followed. His face, for the most part, was unblemished. Deathly pale but it looked human enough. The most telling were the seams that ran down either side of his face. But that could have been a scar. What really gave him away was the eyes. While not that striking when the sun shone its light on them, they glowed like a rabid feral’s when the shadows cast just right. Nick worked to roll up his sleeve. When exposed he reached up and wrenched the plastic sheath of his arm down to reveal the mechanical clockwork underneath. Pain shot up his arm at the force; Nick winced at the burn, realizing that he didn’t do this with a practiced hand of a mechanic. He then displayed his metallic arm to her. Rita’s mouth gaped open trying to find words to put into it.

“I woke up two weeks ago as this, with no concept of who or where I was. Everything about this world, it’s completely new to me. I don’t know what you are. In my error, I said something I shouldn’t have.” Nick changed his tone to something more self berating.  
“Just- tell me what I can do to make this right. I’ll do anything you ask. Please!”

Her maw closed and her teeth gritted. Behind him Dave and a group of four were trotting up the road to meet up with them.  
“Just- get out of my sight.” She turned away from him.

Nick’s lips made a thin line. Just as Dave, Walter and a couple of farmers walked into the circle, Nick took his leave of them. 

 

-

When it rains, it turns into a damn tsunami. Nick couldn’t believe his luck. Right now, he felt he’d be off with straight bad luck rather than being strung around between good moments that made the bad moments feel even worse.

“So do you have super strength?”  
Jim shot out another one of his ‘what’s it like to be a robot’ questions. Nick had been quiet, watching as Jim collected purified water from a large contraption sitting just a few feet from the lake’s edge for the caravan. If the caravan was still to be had. 

“No.”

“Laser vision?”  
Nick rolled his eyes in response. That only seemed to push the inquiries further.  
“Thermal vision? Oo! How about- X Ray vision!?”

“No.”

“You ever hear of the Mechanist? He was a bad guy to the Silver Shroud. I heard they made a radio show of him, but I only have a few of the comics. Dad says he’s different in the comics. That he’s more of a good guy, but just more confused. I have the four part mini series where he and the Silver Shroud have to fight this super evil Annihilator! It’s pretty cool! I’m missing part three though.” 

“Well, that’s the part where the story arc culminates, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I’m missing the best parts. Which really sucks. You ever read the Silver Shroud?”

“Nope.”

“Have you ever heard the radio show?”

Nick sighed. “Time to time, if I had to. Otherwise no, not if I could help it.”

“You did! Oh, that must have been awesome! Did you also have TV? I heard they made a TV show of it!”

“Peh. Yeah, a pilot. I think I would have preferred the comic books myself.” Then under his breath, “At least then you knew kids were at least attempting to acquire some new brain cells.”

“Anyway, in the comics, the Mechanist could make all kinds of robots. Even ones that could look like real people! But they're copies! So like in my one book be makes a copy of the president-”  
Jim shut down instantly as soon as he caught the deadly glare Nick had shot him.  
“We should stop talking about robots, huh?” Jim surmised correctly. 

“Might be a wise idea. And no talk about caravans, either! I’ve had enough of both for one evening.”  
Nick pulled himself away from the tree he was leaning on. The sun was fast sinking into the horizon, but Jim’s task was only half finished. Nick figured the device’s slow sputtering speed had something to do with it, although Jim’s talking didn’t help.  
“So what’s going on here?”  
He pointed to a large collection of debris that had accumulated over what he assumed might have been the intake funnel for the purifier. 

“That happens. I gotta get one of the adults to clean it up, though. Dad says I can’t go into the water. It’ll make me sick.”

“Yeah, I got it.”  
Nick rolled up the calves of his pants. “Barring I don’t burst a seal or electrocute myself somehow.”

He stepped into the ice water that he couldn’t really feel. As he stood in the water that was midway up his leg, he was startled when he heard a buzz of ticking going off in his head. The sound was familiar, having heard it several times before while roaming the wasteland. Back then he initially thought it might have been hordes of bugs, but later came to realize it was too mechanical. Precisely mechanical, something befitting for him. “Do you hear that?” Nick asked.

“No. Hear what?”

“The ticking.” Jim shrugged. “This water, is it irritated?”

“Duh.”

“Hmm.” Nick stared off into nothing. Just as he suspected, he caught glimpses of a faint hint of stars flickering before his eyes.  
“I’ll be damned.” He muttered to himself. He ignored Jim’s inquiry, instead trying to force those flashes into focus. Maybe he did have a way to access the internal computer in his head after all. Or at least read it. If he had to take a guess, and it didn’t need to be an educated one in this case, he figured he at least had a geiger counter rolling around somewhere in his noggin. He didn’t realize, nor care how much of a fool he’d look like if anyone stumbled across him standing off into the rust of a large mechanical purifier.

“So, seeing this, it’s amazing you survived out in the wild at all! Let alone two weeks.” A voice shouted out to him. Nick was too preoccupied with his current task to see who. Not distracted enough to lay down some irritated words though.

“Yeah, well it’s not exactly like this body came with an owner’s manual attached to it!”  
Nick’s tone had an edge to it, and when he turned to see who he was talking to, he immediately ate his words.  
“Oh, shit.” 

The ghoul smirked with crossed arms looking down at him.  
“So, the villagers tell me you’re some sort of robot with prewar memories installed on it, huh?”

“I, uh-”  
Nick pulled away from his internal clock and focused on her. Behind her he assumed was the rest of her caravan. They were all armed to the teeth. They looked like they took take on a small army if they wanted to.

“A ghoul, by the way. In case you didn’t know.”

“A Ghoul? That’s-?”

“That’s what I’m called. Don’t mistake that for my name though. My name is Rita.”

“And ghoul’s better than a zombie?”

She made a gutted ‘why you oughta’ half smirk, half sneer behind her teeth.

“Sorry, it’s just- Look, what I called you? I sincerely did not mean it. It’s just that, uh- I came across some- people that, looked like you but they were, well...” He was trying really hard not to say something offensive again.  
“They weren’t themselves. They were-”  
Rita took a step forward, waiting for him to finish his sentence as if she dared it.  
“Look. Everything I remember was before the war, so I pulled the term from an old horror flick. I didn’t know any better. So, if I offended you, I’m sorry.”

She shook her head.  
“You can back off the apology shtick now. I’m here because I figured I should give you one last chance to hear you out, but I’m not interested in listening you you grovel.”

 

“Well, I appreciate the second chance. Look,” Nick stepped out of the water. “The folks here, they've been real good to me and I don’t want to be the schmuck that screws them over. They don’t deserve it.“ Nick fidgeted, wondering if the strange sensation in his legs was from being waterlogged or if they were just trying to tell him they were cold.  
”If you’re not interested in an apology, there’s not really a whole lot I can offer you. I’ll do my best though, just name it.”  
He offered, but she wasn’t saying anything in response. If she was thinking it over, she was taking her sweet time on it.  
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?”

“Nah, just waiting to see how much of a hole you’re digging here.“

“You don't think I’ve dug a big enough one already?”

She snorted. “So you really don't know what I am?”

“Uh,” Nick didn’t know the answer to this one. He glanced over at her compatriot for help. He certainly wasn’t interested in assisting him. But at least he wasn’t fidgeting for a gun either.  
“Well, human for starters. I’d say the radiation got to you, judging from what I’ve seen on bears.”

“What’s a bear?”  
The caravan member looked over at her and asked.

“Yao Guai.” Rita answered shortly.  
“Huh.” She pursed. “Bears, huh? That’s not a word you hear much anymore.”

“Yeah, I’m still learning that a cow isn’t a cow, and deer are Radstags. I don’t even know what the hell Deathclaws are supposed to be.” 

She chuckled.  
“So, tell me. What was it like? Before the war that is.”

“Which part? The fearmongering? The propaganda? Or how we all just went on with our mundane little lives like nothing was even happening? Well, I suppose if it’s the same day in and day out, you just kind of get used to it. I um, well I suppose it was greener, for one. Little less rust.”

“No shit. You were there.”

“Well, not me personally. The man my memories were copied from was.”

“It’s complicated.”  
Jim answered, trying to cull any more boring adult talk. 

“Lots of things I don’t know, though. My last memories, I recall an appointment on September twelfth, the year... it was uh, 2077. What I don’t know is how much time passed between that and the bombs.”

Her eyes grew wider. Her overall demeanor changed from distrustful and abrasive to sullen. 

“Not even a month. Bombs fell October twenty third. I still remember it as clear as the day it happened. At nine thirty in the morning.”  
She kept her voice stiff, and Nick could see misting form in her eyes. 

“You were there?”  
Nick couldn’t believe it. 

“Yes. I was there.”

“How?”  
Nick asked weakly with a subtle shake of his head.

“Being a ghoul has its side effects. Slowed aging is one of them.”

“But-”  
His hand reached up and rubbed his forehead.  
“How is this possible? Ever since waking up, this has all been just one big nightmare. I’m so- confused!”

“Yeah. I imagine you would be.”  
She turned to leave, but she nodded her head for him to join her.  
“There’s lots to talk about.”

The sun had fully set below the horizon now. It was now dark. Jim had been called away for his bedtime, and the caravan regrouped to make camp for the night. That evening and all through morning Nick spent at their campfire, gleaning from Rita the perils of surviving the bomb. What he learned was that it wasn’t distractions he needed to survive through the quiet storm of his thoughts, it was perspective. He wasn’t the only one who had his whole world torn from him. She had seen everything: the bombs, the decimation, the hell fires. Losing everyone and everything she had ever known. To watch in horror as her face and skin dissolved away leaving her as something barely recognizable as human. For being a survivor, she became an outcast in the world now filled with decay and barbarism. 

True it may be the same perils he would face himself…But at least he wasn’t alone in doing so.


	11. Entries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They cut you loose. Welcome to the Brave New World . . . with such people in it. I remember waking up one day in a garbage heap, a body in tatters and a head full of memories belonging to a man who had been dead for 200 years. Took me a long damn time to get a feel for the place."
> 
> Nick has taken to traveling with a caravan to learn the ropes of surviving in the Radiated World.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the long span of silence. I was on a roadtrip!! I camped out in the cold at Yellowstone, woke up with snow on the ground. Visited like 5 national parks. Then stayed at a warm campsite swarming with mosquitoes. Then we went to the Grand Canyon where it was broiling hot! Then Back to Rocky Mountains where it was cold again :D. It was awesome! Lots of driving though o_o
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway Who all played Far Harbor yet!? I only had about 8 hrs to play before I had to leave... Nick's new case ~ <3 <3 <3 <3 Yet he's still un-romanceable WTF BETHESDA!!!

_ Green billowing clouds above me, lightning, thundering _

_ Through the pitter patter of rain I lie here thinking, wondering _

_ Are these storms that resparked electronic life _

_ Revival from lost memories of unknown strife  _

_ Into this world torn asunder from war and blunder _ __   
_ Nick Valentine, is your rebirth or a misplaced death? _ __   
_ These are the questions I have upon my mechanical breath _ __   
__   
_ Journal Entry, July 28th - I have since taken up with new company, leaving the farmstead of Belva to join a caravan headed South. I’ve come to learn that the caravan lead has been transformed into something called a ghoul, which was quite the start to discover. What a strange and dangerous world this is, it’s alarming to see what radiation can do to a man, woman or creature.  _ __   
_ Leaving the Belva homestead was very hard. I still feel like I owe them a debt of gratitude that I will never be able to pay off in full. To take something as myself, and to treat me like an honest-to-god human being. That’s quite possibly the greatest gift I could have ever hoped to receive. Learning things about my true self will be by far the largest challenge I will ever face; coming to terms that I’m some- mechanical creation!? I have so many questions about who and what I even am, who built me, what their purpose was. Or- mine rather. Most of all, I wonder what the reasoning is for my deactivation and my sudden boot from their presence. Was I a malfunction? Did I not meet expectations? Did I exceed them? I have so many thoughts as to what it could be rolling around in my circuitry, but without knowing anything concrete, it’s all simply speculation. It’s times like this I need to be careful about letting my emotions run wild. If anything, letting my emotions get the better of me is what caused this in the first place. When I lost Jenny  . . . _ __   
__   
_ Focus. I need to focus on the things that will help me get through this. If Rita can survive through an atomic war, with her body malformed into a ghoul, and living through this day by day being as strong as she is- then Nick Valentine can get through this too. I just need to -  _ __   
__   
A loud booming thunderclap arched somewhere above him, illuminating the inside of the cobbled-together tent and sending his internal geiger counter into a crackling commotion. The ticking static was so distracting, it forced out of his inner thoughts. His pen hovered over the yellowed paper as he looked over his human companions. They all slumbered away despite the radiation seeping into their bodies. Nick himself was unaffected, but he had traveled with them enough now to know that come morning they would all feel the sickness the radiation brought. He looked over at Rita who was oddly recharged after rains like this. Storms, he had been told where heavy this summer with only a brief calm that took place during his time wandering around the radiated new world. In that, he wondered if maybe it was the electricity that somehow re-started his systems.  Nick folded the old journal up and placed it into his breast pocket. It was a gift that Margie bestowed onto him at his departure. All the folks at the farmstead seemed so happy Rita offered to take him on, to teach him the ropes as it were. Nick wasn’t so sure. His initial fiasco made it difficult to gauge if his present company actually welcomed him in, or if it simply was Rita’s way of apologizing for blowing her lid like she did, or even still if this wasn’t some sort of payback for insulting her. As far as getting along, they did just fine, but he couldn’t help but notice his presence seemed to rub everyone the wrong way. He felt like the proverbial fifth wheel in this group.    
  
Nick still hadn't come to terms with leaving the Belva homestead either. He felt like he was cheating them by not being able to offer them any monetary or labor repayment. Then again, they were all so adamant that it was unnecessary that he had no choice but to leave with the understanding that new friendships had been formed instead. At least he had something to fall back on if everything went south. For now he’d learn how to properly survive out in this radiated world, then if he couldn’t find any insight about his origins, then maybe that little farmstead would be a place he would call home.   
  


__   
  
_ Journal Entry for September 8th _ __   
__   
_ Without any uncertainty, I am an oddity in these parts. Luckily they seem to be relatively accepting of me as long as I’m keeping company with Rita and her caravan. I’m not so sure how courtious they would be otherwise. I must say I am quite surprised to see how many communities there are around here. This would be the third stop we made this week. It’s really quite baffling how I missed all this my first weeks wandering out here. I suppose it must be because there are areas where the creatures and the radiation make things inhospital. If that’s the case it would seem that my place of awakening was certainly secluded. I wonder if that was by design. So far nobody has ever heard of what I am or who would even have the capability to even manufacture such a thing. Judging by the conditions around here, I can’t help but wonder if maybe I wasn’t made pre war… just the timing of it doesn’t make any sense. Unless Nick’s memories had been dumped inside my head just days after his initial brain scan and mere days before the bombs fell. That doesn’t explain how I only recently awoke however. I’m already starting to see wear and tear breaking down on this plastic skin of mine so I can hardly imagine I had been laying there for a better part of a hundred years.  _ __   
_ There are so many questions I have. I’ve started asking the nearby settlements for detailed maps of the area, routes, old roads, standing buildings. If I’m to learn anything I think I need to find that landfill I awoke in. I have a couple leads, I recall the name of that car dealership and the road signs I traveled on. If I’m to find anything about me, it will surely be there. It may take a while before I feel confident enough to roam the Commonwealth alone, but at least for now, I have a plan. _   
__   
__   
_ September 12th, _ __   
_ We met a curious group of people today. They called themselves ‘Minutemen’, a self governing group of volunteer peacekeepers. I must say it was quite thrilling to see individuals taking up the cause to keep the hope of civilization alive. So far I haven’t run across any skirmishes with Raiders that I had expected. Everyone seems to have a story that involves them, yet I’ve found their presence to be rather- lacking. Lavishing stories make for much more exciting tales I guess. Or maybe things had been worse before these men and women put their lives on the line to help keep these communities safe. _ __   
__   
_ __ _ __   
__   
_ September 24th, _ _   
_ __ So I tried Molerat meat for the first time today. For as much as those animals reek I couldn’t imagine why anyone would find it a delicacy, but many of the caravan hands can’t seem to get enough of it. At first I thought it was a matter of Harvey or Rita pulling my leg until I finally got the nerve to try some. I guess they really hadn’t thought it was possible that I could eat. I’m not sure why that is. I only share morning tea with them every day and they never seemed to bat an eye at that. That said- I can’t tell you how much I miss coffee! Nothing is even a drop in a bucket to a freshly brewed cup of Joe. It’s funny how it’s the little things you miss. Also I just want to go on record to say Molerat is edible, but there is nothing special about it. If that’s what they think is an improved meal choice over bloatfly or cocroach meat- makes me glad I don’t need to eat!

  
__   
  


_ Vacantly I walked beside her. _

_ On the earth mine eyes were cast; _

_ Swift and keen there came unto me _

_ Bitter memories of the past-- _ __   
__   
_ I can’t get Jenny out of my head. Nick’s past life for that matter. Every night I lay awake thinking about them. At first it seemed like I had a great gift to offer. Never needing sleep meant I could keep watch during the long hours of darkness, let everyone get a sense of normalcy.  Now I wonder if it wasn’t a curse. Every night boredom slips into thinking, thinking slips into memories. Memories of a life I never lived. I wish I could just sleep the night away, so I didn’t need to be plagued with those memories every night! I don’t know. Maybe that wouldn’t be better. Perhaps old memories of a life I never lived are better than nightmares of a world I don’t remember. _ __   
  
__   
  
November 21st   
  
Another raider skirmish. This one actually get’s a notable mention in my Journal. So far raiders have been fairly easy to chase off with a well placed bullet in the air. Today I learned it’s if you maim the right person, the rest seem to lose their steam. I’m sure he’ll be all right, it was just a leg after all. Nothing a stimpack couldn’t cure. Rita wasn’t so pleased though. Saying they’d be back once their wounds healed. He’s still a human being, I think I could do to lose a few caps if it meant sparing a life. C _ aps-  _ still trying to wrap my head around that one. Bottlecaps as the exchange for all commerce now. Wouldn’t all it take is finding an untouched bottlecap plant to really tip the scale. I guess things make about as much sense now economically as back then.   
  
_ February 2nd _ __   
__   
_ Always the same. Questions of what are you, who built you, where did you come from? All surmised into a broken record of answers I don't have.   _ __   
__   
_ ___ _ __   
__   
_ April 17th _ __   
__   
_ Took me long enough, but I’m finally able to force the computer I have in my head into focus. I can actually SEE when the geiger counter goes off now. It’s written in English, which is rather helpful. I’d hate to finally go through all this irritation and embarrassment of staring off into space during radiation storms or standing in puddles of irradiated water only for it to be in Japanese. Ha, well now that I can see it, I wonder what I can glean about myself from it. _ __   
__   
_ __ _ __   
_   
_ __ April 19th

  
_ What a damned     mistake t hat was! No  w I can’t get rid of it. ~~ Dammn blurry- spi derw  ebs~ I ca  n’t se e a damn    thing. It to  ok s o m   uch effort to fina  lly learn how to s  ee this internal comput  er,~~  _ __   
__   
Most of the writing ended in frustrated scribbles.

__   
_ _ _ __   
__   
_ May 1st _ __   
_   
_ __ Today- today was the first time I watched the light go out on a fellow human being’s eyes. 

 

_ The raiders were bold, and very stupid. The brahmin took one to its shoulder, I wounded the raider. I took care not to kill him. I kicked his weapon away, and hoped to hell Rita and the others would just leave him there. I wanted to let that man live for another day, baring he got the help he needed or a trusty stimpack. Then, Rita-  _ __   
_   
_ __ I pleaded with her to spare him. I begged. She told me this is the life we have to learn to accept. I can’t even fathom the coldness in her eyes when she- put-

 

_ two in the chest, one in the head.  _

__   
_ This man wasn’t born this way. He wasn’t born evil. It’s the tragedy of this world had pushed him into this corner. Nick of the past knew what real sociopaths and psychopathic killers were. This was just some poor bastard who at some point, down on his luck, made some very bad decisions.  _ __   
__   
_ I don’t know if I can survive in a world like this. _ __   
__   
___   
  
_ July 1st _   
  
__ The most important thing I have learned so far is that folks don't care about what you look like as long as you were willing to lend an open hand. It gets easier after awhile. Now that I’ve been on the beaten path enough to start to know folks by their name, I feel like I don’t need to be on guard all the time about what I am. It’s a good feeling to have. I know Rita’s been annoyed with me as of late. While they camp outside the outskirts of the towns and villages I will go in, offer my services, get to know the people. I feel like I should be doing more to help these people rather than just cart their junk back and forth between settlements.


End file.
